Reflections from Katie

Life Lessons

2010-09-09T12:21:00.005-05:00

Life doesn't always go how we plan does it? I certainly didn't plan to be a newlywed bride with a badly broken leg. I broke it August 21st, after we'd been married only 3 weeks. After waiting almost two weeks for surgery, I'm now at home, laid up for many more weeks, and unable to do much of anything. So much for keeping my house spotless or any of the painting projects I had planned! I won't be able to put any weight on this leg until around the first of November. After that I will have weeks of therapy, stretching it out and re-learning how to use it. And I can't even think about working until at least mid-December.

So I have had to re-evaluate my plans, laying it all in the Lord's hands instead of mine. I am a newly-graduated Registered Nurse, who can't work. And I'm a new wife, who can't take care of her husband or her house. What does this mean for me? Only a few days after I broke my leg, I remember crying on Will’s shoulder, asking him, "How I can I possibly be a good wife now? I can’t even do anything around the house or for you." He seemed shocked that I would even wonder that. But for so much of my life, I've measured my devotion and service for God by how hard I work. I've always thought that the best way to show God (and others) my love is by hard work. After all there are a lot of verses about not being lazy!! I guess I carried some of that thought over to marriage, too. I always thought that the Proverbs 31 woman was an excellent wife because of how hard she worked for her family. But now that I can't clean house or cook meals or wash the laundry, I’m finally beginning to see just how skewed my view of things really has been.

So I have been re-looking at Proverbs 31 and learning how to apply it in light of my current circumstances. The Proverbs 31 woman is called “virtuous.” According to Matthew Henry, this “…is a woman of spirit, who has the command of her own spirit and knows how to manage other people’s, one that is pious and industrious, and a help meet for a man…. [and] is a woman of resolution, who, having espoused good principles, is firm and steady to them, and will not be frightened with winds and clouds from any part of her duty.” So in other words, a virtuous woman is much more than just hard working. She is a woman of wisdom and discernment, who stands with strength. One of the biggest things I see when I read this passage is that this woman has a heart open to the Lord’s leading. She follows His commands and guidance, allowing Him to lead her in all things. That is where her strength and wisdom comes from! Her excellence comes from her fear of the Lord; and all of her virtuous characteristics flow from this.

While I'm laying here with my leg propped up, I've had a lot of time to think. I know that the Lord is using this time to draw me closer to Him. Right now, there is nothing for me to do but to be still and listen to the Lord. I don’t know why it is, but it seems that all the hard circumstances I have gone through, my first reaction is to pull away from the Lord, rather than draw near to Him. I hide away inside myself or in the comfort of friends, rather than go to the Comforter and Healer of all. Quickly I begin to see what a mistake that is, though. No one can bring joy or peace or comfort like the Lord. “The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him” (Psalm 37:39-40). What a wonderful refuge He is!!

So what am I doing with my days now? I am knitting blankets for a crisis pregnancy center, managing our finances, trying to keep the house in order, finally writing wedding thank-you notes, knitting blankets (planning to give them to a friend who's church knits blankets for a crisis pregnancy center) and learning more about different ministries I am interested in. But mostly, I am sitting at the feet of Jesus, and learning from Him.

Happiness

2010-08-11T17:16:00.003-05:00

I promise, I have a good reason for my long-time silence on here. In May I graduated from nursing school, and ever since then, I've packing up and planning. Because on July 31, 2010, I married my best friend!
Now we are beginning our lives together. It is a beautiful, amazing time in our lives! We have lived hundreds of miles apart throughout our entire relationship, and it is so wonderful to be able to just be with my love, every day.

Now I have a huge amount of work to do on moving us into our new house, along with cleaning it and getting it fixed up. I'm hoping that I'll eventually get time to start posting regularly again. But for now, I hope y'all will excuse me if I am a little slow with posting. I'm just too busy to get on here much!

Filled With Christ

2010-04-11T12:54:00.003-05:00

Why is it that I regress so easily into the very things I feel I have already overcome? The very areas where I think I am the strongest, sometimes I fall the hardest. Sometimes all I feel is frustration and an overwhelming sadness. I let myself give into my selfishness and pride and act just like a kid having a temper tantrum. I get aggravated and, even though I might never show it on the outside, I'm fuming on the inside.

Why do I never seem to change? The question that I keep wrestling with the most is how can I claim to be filled with Christ, but then the thoughts in my head or the words that come out of my mouth have nothing to do with Him? I am so full of flaws and failures!

Today my sister and I had to stay home from church due to illness, so we watched a sermon online instead. One of the things that the pastor said really stuck with me. Basically he said, "True repentance is wanting Christ more than any sinful passion." It's turning away from that angry feeling because you know that it won't really bring satisfaction. Instead we turn to Christ, and we find true happiness and peace.

I am so overwhelmed by Christ's grace and mercy and love toward me. I deserve none of it. He has no reason to love me like He does. The Katie in me is full of selfishness and pride. But the Christ in me is full of love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness. All that I can say is, "More of You and less of me!"

Worry Not, Part 4--Paul

2010-03-28T20:23:00.000-05:00

When Paul was imprisoned by the Romans, he wrote these words to the Philippian church:

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:12-14).

Paul didn't worry about the past. He kept his eyes focused on the Lord. Instead of looking at his past or the difficult road he was headed down, he knew that the only way to deal with the present difficulties without stumbling was to keep focused on Christ. He says,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which suppresses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

What a wonderful promise! To have God's peace guarding my heart and mind; I can think of nothing better.

Pray for Victoria

2010-03-27T17:55:00.003-05:00

Please be praying for one of the littlest members of Casa De Amor, little Victoria. She is one of a set of triplets that arrived at the Baby Home only a little over a week ago. Victoria became very, very sick yesterday and is currently in the NICU in Cochabamba. Here is what Jennifer said yesterday:

"Today her health deteriorated very rapidly between the first signs of something wrong at 11am (fever, wouldn't finish milk) and 3pm - very pale, skipped feedings, diarrhea, vomiting, troubled breathing. By 4pm she was being intubated at the best clinic in town as three of us agonized outside the doors of the ER.... Now Victoria is in the NICU on a ventilator. I was finally able to go in and see her for just a few minutes at 9:30. By that point she was semi-conscious and stabilized, and pneumonia has been ruled out although they're running more tests. It appears to be some sort of gastro intestinal infection that threw her into such a tail spin so quickly today."

So please keep her and her tiny sisters in your prayers!!

Worry Not, Part 3--David

2010-03-26T20:00:00.000-05:00

The intoduction to Psalm 56 tells us that it was written, "When the Philistines seized him in Gath." This psalm was composed during on of the most turbulent times in David's life. He had every reason, according to human standards, to fear. Yet what is this psalm all about? Not fearing.

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.
In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;
I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?
...This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose
word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?" (v. 3-4, 9-11).

Over and over David repeatedly tells himself that he trusts in the Lord, that man is nothing. You can hear his torment in this psalm; he is so burdened that he must keep reminding himself not to fear. Instead of allowing himself to worry, he speaks hope into his soul, trusting God for strength. This is what I must do as well when the storms rage. Often the only way to get through is to speak the truth to myself again and again. Sing songs of God's strength, pray constantly, get into the truth of God's Word--but do not fear!

Worry Not, Part 2--Hezekiah

2010-03-24T20:55:00.000-05:00

I have been extremely neglectful of this blog lately! I wrote the rest of the parts to the "Worry Not" series over a month ago, but I haven't found the time to type them up and post them. Finally, though, here is the second part. Better late than never, right?

So rather than worry, what is a child of God supposed to do? Reading through the Scriptures, I have seen a lot of examples lately of men who had every "right" to worry, but chose instead to trust in the Lord. The first example I'm going to give is King Hezekiah.

In 2 Kings 18-19, we are told how Sennacherib, the king of Assyria, attacked Judah, which was being ruled at this time by King Hezekiah. Hezekiah receives a message from some of his most trusted servants that Sennacherib was threatening Judah with total destruction. Rather than fear Sennacherib's enormous army, it says in 2 Kings 19:1, "As soon as King Hezekiah heard it, he tore his clothes and covered himself with sackcloth and went into the house of the Lord." He prays to the Lord, and Isaiah the prophet sends him a message from the Lord reassuring him that Sennacherib will go back to Assyria without touching Judah.

However, we don't see Sennacherib turning back immediately. He comes back the next day, threatening again, this time even tempting Hezekiah to stop trusting in the Lord. He tells Hezekiah in a letter, "Do not let your God in whom you trust deceive you by promising that Jerusalem will not be given into the hand of the king of Assyria."

Hezekiah, however, does not waver in his faith or worry about what will happen. Rather than worry, Hezekiah went and "spread it before the Lord" (v. 14), laying all his burdens at the Lord's feet.

God rewarded Hezekiah's faith by killing the entire Assyrian army. He tells Hezekiah, "...He shall not come into this city or shoot an arrow there, or come before it with a shield or cast up a siege mound against it....For I will defend this city to save it, for My own sake and the sake of My servant David." The Jews didn't even have to raise their hand against the Assyrians!

The Lord has constantly displayed this in my own life. How gracious He is to me, even when it comes to the smallest things I worry about! Over and over again, I will worry about something only to have Him gently remind me that He has it all under control. And suddenly, the problem will be taken care of--without my doing anything! What a loving God we serve, who provides for our every need!

Worry Not, Part 1

2010-02-09T19:39:00.000-06:00

"Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

I admit, worrying is one of my biggest faults. Often life is overwhelming, and sometimes it seems like the only way I can make sure I get it all done is by anxiously keeping everything on my mind. Worry can even seem to be a virtuous thing at times. If I worry about things, at least I don't have anything go wrong (because I never give it a chance to go wrong!).

But God has been speaking to me a lot the past few weeks on this subject. He has been pointing out to me that there is a much bigger issue here. The real issue is fear. Fear of failure, rejection, pain, etc. But does my worrying change any of that at all? Not one bit!! What did Christ have to say about it? "Do not be anxious....which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?...Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt 6:25, 27, 34) The truth is, worry (fear, anxiety, etc.) is of the flesh. It is a tool used by Satan to divide us from Christ. Because when I worry, I my thoughts are not focused on the Lord--they are focused on me!! What can I do, what can I accomplish--and how can I possibly do it all?!

I read an amazing quote recently from the July 4th entry of My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers:

Resting in the Lord does not depend on external circumstances at all, but on your relationship to God Himself. Fussing always ends in sin. We imagine that a little anxiety and worry are an indication of how really wise we are; it is much more an indication of who really wicked we are. Fretting springs from a determination to get our own way. Our Lord was never worried and He was never anxious, because He was not "out" to realize His own idea; He was "out" to realize God's ideas. Fretting is wicked if you are a child of God. Have you been bolstering up that stupid soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God? Put all "supposing" on one side and dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God.

Wow. That is a powerfully convicting statement! "Fretting is wicked." Forgive me, Lord, for ever trying to do without You!!

Worry Not

2010-02-09T18:57:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking and praying a lot lately on the topic of worry. The Lord has really shown me a lot of things that I need to learn on this subject, and I'd like to post some of my thoughts on it here. So for the next few days, you will be seeing quite a few different posts on the topic of "Worry Not".

I'd also like to suggest that you read this post on the YLCF about worry--I was extremely encouraged today when I read this, especially since she talks about many of the things that I will be talking about in my posts!

Elusive Beauty

2010-01-30T21:20:00.009-06:00

I guess you could say that I have always been obsessed by beauty. I love to see the colors in a lily, or the dew sparkling on the fields as the sun rises in the morning. It is in every human to be drawn to what is most beautiful and pleasing in the world. We have been created this way so that we will appreciate and enjoy all the glories of what God has created.

When I search for "beauty" or "beautiful" in the Bible, I overwhelmingly find it used in reference to women. In the Old Testament, we hear of many godly women who are described as being very beautiful--Sarah, Rachel, Abigail, and Esther, just to name a few of them. Each one of these women were known for being so beautiful that heads would turn when they walked by!

So how is it that a longing for beauty--which is a God-given gift!--can be so easily turned into a tool of the devil? I have struggled with that over and over. Because one of my deepest longings has always been to be beautiful. Not just to look pretty. But to have a deep, penetrating beauty, that remains even when all the makeup is gone. The more I look, the more I realize that this is the aim of almost every single woman I know. They may search for it in different ways. But they are all seeking true beauty.

I have realized that the pursuit of beauty is not vain. What is vain is when you remove God from that search. How can you have true beauty without the Creator of everything beautiful? Think of the emptiness of that search!! Trying to fill the void with anything but the Master Creator will not satisfy. How could anything possibly create beauty, when the only Source of beauty has been removed? So this pursuit of beauty easily becomes vanity. I'll admit, I have to fight frequently against the temptation to compare myself to the women in magazines or online images. When I do, I find myself thinking with discouragement the whole time, "I'll never look like that." But I realize that those thoughts are not of God. Anything that turns your heart away from what the Lord has already told us is not God-honoring. And what does God say through Scripture? He says that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." That means that when we are critical of ourselves, we are being critical of God's perfect handiwork. Does God not know how to create better than I do?!

So what is beauty? True beauty, that is. What should we be seeking? First of all, we should be seeking Christ. Second, we should be seeking the attributes of Christ. As Peter famously says, "let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious" (1 Peter 3:4).

One of my favorite passages is Psalm 45:10-11--"Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear: forget your people and your father's house. And the king will desire your beauty...." This psalm is a love song, somewhat in the style of the Song of Solomon. I read it as symbolizing our relationship with our Lord. So when I read those verses, I am amazed to think that God desires my beauty in the same way that a man desires his wife! To think that the almighty God of heaven is preparing me for the day when I will be able to dwell with Him as His perfect bride is a humbling thought. What joy we can have to know the King of Kings, and to be His beautiful bride!! We can leave behind all that is vain, and run towards what is beautiful!!

Jaquan

2010-01-19T13:29:00.004-06:00

I posted yesterday, but I have no idea where the post went. It has completely disappeared. Very odd.... I will try to re-write as well as I can.

Over the past couple of years I have done some work with Hope Extreme, a ministry I was introduced to through my best friend Amber. Hope Extreme is a ministry/tutoring center for urban kids in Houma (a city about an hour from me). Last year I went every Tuesday to tutor for a few hours. I really learned to love those kids and see how special and unique each and every one of them is. It is so special to be able to see the smiles on their faces when they walk in the door!

Last month, on December 22, one of the kids who was most special to Hope Extreme passed away suddenly. Jaquan had been a part of Hope Extreme since it's beginning. His funeral service was one of the saddest I have ever been to; yet it was filled with a heavenly joy as well. As the pastor repeatedly pointed out, Jaquan did not waste his life. He gave his heart to Christ at the age of 12, and lived every day for his Lord. He didn't die tragically, from drugs or gang fights or other from one of the other dangers to most kids who live the street life. Instead, he wanted to tell his friends about Christ. His dream was to go to other countries and tell the children there about Jesus.

Even through his death, we pray that he will continue to minister to others. We are praying that this will be a wake up call to the other Hope Extreme kids; that they will see that no one, not even a young teenager, is guaranteed even their next breath. Please join me in praying for Jaquan's family, friends, and for Hope Extreme. This is such a difficult time for everyone who knew him.

Jaquan and Amber at the Hope Extreme center

Here is what Tara, the director of Hope Extreme, said about Jaquan:
The Psalmist writes "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me..." In earthly terms our human shadows are caused by a greater light that displays but a vague glimpse of our earthly image. In this passage the psalmist is aware that the shadow of death is also caused by a greater source, the all encompassing light of God shining in such a way that we are to know that "his rod and staff will comfort us."

This past month that shadow passed over Hope Extreme. Sixteen-year-old Jaquan Veal, who had been with Hope Extreme since our beginning, passed away on December 22. About twenty kids were here at the center the night we learned of his passing; as you can imagine, life here has not been the same. We have mourned. We have doubted. We have cried. We have remembered that God is the God of second chances.

Jaquan had a heart transplant almost three years ago which at the time left him blind and partially paralyzed. God gave Jaquan his life back, his sight back, and his body back and we were so thankful. Jaquan knew that his life was but a fleeting breath and dedicated it to the God who saved him. Jaquan often said that he received two hearts...a physical one, but more importantly a spiritual one, the latter which is eternal. Though our tragedy is great, through Jaquan's life - and through those who came closer to God as a result of his death - there is greater triumph. And that is how we chose to ring in the New Year, in God's Almighty Triumph.

Lessons from Silence

2009-12-27T21:39:00.002-06:00

In case you haven't noticed... I've been rather distant on here! Honestly, I've just been enjoying life. I focused on finishing my second-to-last semester well. I spent time with my family, enjoyed time with my friends. I haven't spent nearly as much of my lesure time on the computer as I usually do. Other things have been fighting for my attention. Life is on the brink of changing rapidly for me, and I'm trying to soak up all I can.

I think that a little time of blogging rest has been good for me. Sometimes it is easy to want to post things on here just because I'm trying to get the attention of those who read it. But that's not really what this blog is all about. I started this mainly because I want a place to write my thoughts on living life for God. But if all I'm doing is posting to please others, that kind of defeats the purpose. Paul talks about this in Galatians 1: "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." So, as a servant of Christ, I am going to try to please God and not man. Eternal praise is far better than momentary praise anyway!!

Hello Again

2009-12-02T08:59:00.004-06:00

I don't have much time to write at this moment, but I wanted to post something on here to reassure the (few) people who read this blog that I am not dead! Things in my life have been changing fast, and I felt that it was better to give some attention to it! Also, I have been up to my neck in papers that I have been writing for school and, honestly, when I've had a break I've been so tired of writing that I just don't have any brain power to post anything on here. But I am about to take my finals, and then this semester will finally be over. So you can expect that I will be posting a lot more frequently in the future!!

Awesome Story

2009-10-08T17:30:00.002-05:00

This grandmother's story really impressed me!

Praying for Casa de Amor!

2009-10-06T22:37:00.003-05:00

I have posted several times on here about one of my favorite organizations, Casa de Amor. CDA is a children's home in Cochabamba, Bolivia, run by my friend Jennifer T. (Even though I haven't been able to do much, I like to say that I have been able to work with CDA a little--even from the US. :) So far, the Lord hasn't actually sent me to Bolivia. But I'm always open to that opportunity!!) Tomorrow Casa de Amor will be having a day of prayer and fasting. I wish I would have had time to put this up earlier so some of y'all could have known about it, but I thought it better late than never. Here is an excerpt from an e-mail Jennifer sent out detailing some of their prayer needs:

The continual paperwork crisis in government offices (child welfare, Child Defense, and the court) including lost papers and files; delays of months or even years to process basic components of a child’s file; dire lack of coordination between government offices and even from one desk to another; ridiculous mistreatment of all who they serve; constant change out of employees; new employees who often have very little experience with the work we do, the laws, child development, what challenges our children or staff face…..and I could go on and on!
We pray for efficiency, honest hard work, and a true love of children for all working in the government offices!
Cochabamba desperately needs a new judge! To properly handle the case load for minors, three judges would be ideal. Since last year, we have limped along with just ONE seriously overworked judge but she resigned last week. It is complicated, but because of Bolivia’s new constitution and many changes at every level of government it’s not clear when a new judge might be elected.
Pray for the proper judge(s) to step up to the challenge and handle all the child cases ASAP.
Casa de Amor’s Foster Family program has been in the paperwork stage since March 2009, but the challenges listed above couple with poor understanding and acceptance of the benefits of foster families (versus institutions) has made it a long uphill journey. Of course without a judge, it might prove impossible to transfer children into foster families.
Pray for the speedy passage of our pioneer foster family program and the successful recruitment of several Christian foster families.
Currently six children from Casa de Amor II are in the process of returning to either their mother or father. We are very happy for them and pray that the family members will not grow weary during the long process of regaining custody.
We pray that the entire process would go smoothly, that the families would be able to sustain themselves economically, that God would heal the hurts caused by years of neglect, abandonment, and other injustices. Also pray for the emotional stability of the children being “left behind”. And of course, for a JUDGE to be able to process the appeals!
If you pray for just one thing, pray that EACH CHILD WOULD HAVE A LOVING FAMILY!

As a side note, if anyone is interested in sponsoring a child, the wonderful workers at Casa de Amor have developed their own child sponsorship program! I currently privileged enough to sponsor a beautiful little boy named Gabriel. (Some of you may remember when his twin sister suddenly passed away earlier this year.) If you want more information on how to sponser a child or support CDA in other ways please visit their website.

Gabriel celebrating his first birthday last month

Another opportunity is for families/couples to serve long term by opening a children’s home for a small group of children--kind of a smaller scale of the larger homes. (The Alseth family currently runs a home like this, Casa de Amor III.) Jennifer also needs a long-term administrative assistant. So if you think the Lord may be calling you in either of those areas, please pray about these opportunities!!

A beautiful picture of all 42 children currently being cared for by

Casa de Amor (taken just a few days ago)

P.S. Jennifer, I hope you don't mind that I stole your pictures. They were so pretty I couldn't help it. ;)

Living out Faith

2009-10-01T10:04:00.006-05:00

If I had to choose one woman in Scripture I would want to be like, I really am not sure who I would choose. There are so many amazing women in the Bible! But at the very top of my list of heroines is the faithful woman in 2 Kings 4:8-37.

In verses 8-17, we see her servant heart, hospitality, love for God's people--all throughout this passage we see her as a very humble woman of God. We are told that she is wealthy, yet she doesn't appear to ever take advantage of the blessings that God has given her. She didn't glory in her wealth but rather used it in the Lord's service. In fact, in reading this I am challenged by the extent of her hospitality. She regularly fed Elisha every time he passed through, and then even suggested to her husband that they build an extra room onto their own house for Elisha! One thing that really jumps out at me about this passage is that this woman wasn't waiting for her husband to tell her how to minster to others. While she was completely submissive to his authority, consulting him on everything, she was actively seeking out her own opportunities to minister to others. She wasn't just sitting at home waiting for her husband to suggest something. Instead she initiated opportunities; in doing that she even encouraged her husband to minister to others. The Lord blesses her for this, giving her what she had longed for--a son of her own.

Verses 18-37, however, really prove what an amazing woman of God she truly was. What incredible faith she had! The son that she had longed for for so many years dies with almost no warning. I can't even imagine the despair she must have felt. What anguish she must have been in that morning, only being able to hold her son as he died! Yet then she lays her son down and goes to find Elisha, hiding it from her husband! She simply tells him, "All is well." I believe this was not a lie. It really was well with her. She trusted in the Lord completely. Again, when she meets Elisha's servant, she tells him, "All is well." Only when she reaches Elisha does she show her complete brokenness, falling at his feet in agony. "She is in bitter distress," Elisha tells his servant. Then follows her to her home and the Lord allows him to raise the boy from the dead.

Psalm 50:14 says, "Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving and perform your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.” If you read that entire passage, you will see that what the Lord is saying here is that there is no true offering we can give Him. He owns all anyway! So what is the offering He most desires? That of trusting Him for every trouble, every trial. Trusting that He will bring us through and deliver us is the greatest offering we can give to our Lord. The Psalm ends with verse 23: "The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"

Piano Music

2009-09-26T19:28:00.014-05:00

As most of my friends know, I just love to play the piano. It's always my way of letting out all of my emotions and refocusing myself. So I just love to play very expressive pieces. The piece I'm learning right now is called "All of Me," by Jon Schmidt. It's a bit more showy than what I usually like to play, but it's just so much fun that I'm really just learning it for me more than anything. (I don't really play for other people, anyway, except for church music.) If you click on the link you will see that it is quite a fast, difficult sounding piece--and I have to say that I don't play it nearly that well or fast! I'm still learning to not get my fingers all tangled up when I play the part where the bass comes in. I don't know if I will ever get it right but I'm trying!

I've been searching for good sheet music for quite a while, now, so I thought I would share my findings with y'all. For my friends who are also looking for sheet music, Jon Schmidt has a lot of good music available to purchase on his web site. Another muscian that I'd like to try is David Nevue. I found his site just yesterday, and I see that he has quite a bit of church music available. I've been needing some new pieces to play for our church services, so I think I will give his music a try when I have a little bit of time to practice it. Right now, though, I have decided that this is what I want to play next. I've never heard of Yirma before today [and just a heads up--a lot of his site is in Korean! haha], but one of my friends played this piece and I just loved it! Isn't it so peaceful?! This is just the kind of music that I love to play when I need to let everything from my day just come out all at once. I "talk" through my fingers when I play music like this.

The Sullivan's

2009-09-22T21:35:00.010-05:00

I found this blog through a friend of mine. This couple's story has really touched my heart. Sara Sullivan went to be with the Lord today. I gather from what I have read on this blog that she must have only been only about 27 or 28. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. Two days before her mammogram, she found out she was pregnant. She received cancer treatments throughout her pregnancy and delivered a baby girl about 2 weeks ago. Last week, after they were able to take the baby home from the hospital, Sara unexpectedly started having seizures. She was hospitalized, and her condition progressively worsened. Yesterday the doctors told her husband that her brain had started to herniate (the brain pressure is so high, it begins to press the brain down, compressing the brain stem). There is not much any doctor can do at that point, and this morning they declared her brain dead.

Here is what her husband wrote tonight:
The reality of the situation has yet to sink in, but Sara is now with Jesus and for this I am thankful...and at peace! I will miss my best friend and am sorry that Chloe will not be able to know her mother, but Sara's legacy will live on through our MANY happy memories with her. Chloe will know her mother through the impact Sara had on so many lives. She was an AMAZING WOMAN who touched the lives of everyone she came in contact with!

Thank you to those of you who have been praying for us. It is completely clear to me that the Lord was calling Sara home at this time. No matter what her diagnosis had been, it was her time to go. She delivered our miracle baby and we spent a few days at home as a family. I have never seen Sara happier, and I feel as though those few days were like heaven on earth.

Please be praying for her husband, Brady, and her new baby daughter, Chloe. They have a tough road ahead of them. From what I read on the blog, Brady seems like a strong Christian. I know he will need the Lord's abundant grace to guide him through these trials!

Bluegrass Memories

2009-09-19T14:34:00.010-05:00

This morning at church my mom pulled out copies of some old photos she had brought to give to an old family friend, pictures were of us and our friends at my Uncle Alvin's farm in Mississippi. We sat looking through the pictures and smiling at the memories they brought back. At Uncle Alvin's we loved to go see all of his animals. He raised almost every farm animal you can think of. (I can still remember being thrown off of his donkey. Not too many people can say they were thrown from a donkey!! Thankfully I was only about 6 or 7, and he caught me before I hit the ground.) Aunt Sandra even raised sheep for the wool, because one of her hobbies was spinning her own thread and weaving it into blankets on a loom.

My biggest memory from his house, though, is sitting there in their big living room, windows open (they didn't have air conditioning), listening to him, Aunt Sandra, and their bluegrass band practice for their next performance. Uncle Alvin would usually play the banjo, but sometimes he'd play the guitar or another instrument. Aunt Sandra could play the fiddle, but I always remember her playing the bass. She usually let one of her grandkids play the fiddle since she was teaching them to play. The 12 year old fiddle player always made me wish I could to learn to play the fiddle too! We went up to Vicksburg a few times to hear the band play on one of the historical days.

I wish I could hear Uncle Alvin play again. He passed away about 3 or 4 years ago. Aunt Sandra and the band still play, so maybe sometime I'll get to hear them again. It won't be the same, though, without Uncle Alvin on the banjo. I can still picture him sitting there, looking down his beard and picking away. I really don't remember if they were good or not. The last time I heard them all play together was at least 6 years ago, maybe more. They probably were good, but I just remember how much fun it was to watch the band enjoying their music so much!

I was listening to some music yesterday and this song came on. Its such a good example of bluegrass. Isn't it so fun to watch them play?!

I Believe

2009-09-14T00:20:00.013-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about faith today. In church this morning, our pastor mentioned the faith that the robber on the cross had, when he believed in the Lord moments before his death. Isn't it amazing how the Lord chooses to open some hearts to His truth in childhood, giving some of them 90 years to serve Him, while with others He chooses to reveal Himself in the last stages of their life? Yet He is still perfect in His plan, in all of His ways. One of my favorite verses (one that has been on my heart all week) is Isaiah 42:16: "And I will lead the blind, in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." Oh, when He turns that darkness into light, it is such a beautiful thing!! I can still remember being almost wild with happiness the night that He saved me. I lay in my bunk at that Christian camp and just wept and wept for joy!

Tonight after talking to a friend about some hard times she is going through, I remembered a quote that I first heard a few years ago. It was actually made into a song by the Christian group Barlow Girl. But I just love the story behind it. This was found written on the walls of a concentration camp after WWII:
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent.

The faith to believe, even when the Lord is silent. Even when He isn't shouting, making His presence known to us, He is still there, holding us and guiding us through every moment. I have been through some hard times in my life, and there have been days when I didn't even want to get out of bed and go on with the day. However I have never been through anything like the person who wrote out that statement. I can just imagine that person writing it there on that wall, for all to see and as a constant reminder to themselves. In a sense I do the same thing all the time--I write to remember. You can envision them reading it again and again: "...I believe in God...I believe in God." I don't have a clue what it is like to go through something like that, but I pray that the Lord would give me the faith to stand even through it. I want to live out my belief every day, even in the mundane tasks of daily living. I want to shout for the Lord daily, even if I don't hear Him speaking to me at that moment. Do I live like that in each and every day? I'm afraid that a lot of times it's easier to just walk through life with my head down and pick it up only when I walk into the church building. But oh, Jesus is everything to me. I want to live life shouting His name. Just before dying, Christ said, "It is finished!" Oh Lord, let my life say the same to everyone around me. Redemption is complete for all His children!

Faith Like a Child

2009-08-30T20:27:00.008-05:00

I was looking at a website the other day and I ran across this link. I just loved reading the story of this little girl!! She's only 5 years old, but she was touched by the needs of the hungry people around her. She came up with a plan to raise money, and ended up raising enough money to feed almost 18,000 people! I don't think this is a Christian family, but it really reminded me of how the faith of a child is pure and simple.

"And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:2-4

Oh God, give me faith like that! To step forward, not knowing what the outcome will be but believing anyway.

Loving hearts joined forever

2009-08-26T20:24:00.005-05:00

I read a post the other day (thanks Kaylene for that link!) that brought back a lot of memories of things I've witnessed in my time working in hospitals. Some of the most beautiful, touching things I have ever seen are the old couples in the hospital. It's amazing to see the love they have for each other. So many people today just don't seem to love each other like that anymore. There is one story in particular that I think I will always remember.

I had never met this patient before, and I was completely shocked when I walked into her room that morning. I had never seen a patient so utterly wasted away as this elderly woman was--probably from cancer. She weighed only about 75 or 80 pounds. As one of the nurses and I worked with her, I literally felt like I was taking care of a skeleton. You could easily see every bone in her body. We pulled her to up in bed, and it was almost effortless because she was so light. Not only her body was wasted, though. She had terrible dementia, and couldn't communicate with us, recognize anyone, or understand what was going on around her. When we went back to the nurse's station, the nurse I had been working with told one of the other nurses, "Wow, did you see that woman? I have never seen someone look so terrible in my life! There is nothing left of her." Every time I went in that room, however, her husband was there, sitting by her side. If she was asleep, he would just watch her quietly. But if she was awake, he was whispering to her and softly stroking her hands. I remember one time walking in the room, and he was brushing her hair so, so gently. "She always loved it when I did this", he told me.

Later that day I was sitting at the nurses station, finishing up some paperwork. I heard someone talking and I turned around. It was the woman's husband. He was standing at the nurses station, going to each person in turn. In his hands he had a faded old black and white photograph of a beautiful young woman. Coming up to me he said, "Look at this! Wasn't she just the prettiest woman you have ever seen? That was my wife when I first fell in love with her." He sounded just like a little boy when he talked about her. He showed the picture to as many people as he could find to talk to, then he went back to her room to sit by her side again.

Cohen

2009-08-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

I read a couple of cute kid stories this week and I thought I'd share this one. I babysat on Tuesday for "my" little boys. Christian was at school most of the day, so most of the day it was just me and Cohen. He was so sweet. It was his 3rd birthday, and Mrs. Rebecca had to run some errands in the afternoon while he was napping. Well he woke up while she was gone, and he just sobbed like his poor little heart was breaking because she wasn't there. It made me so sad. :( I cuddled him for awhile and just let him cry. Then I started talking to him about a toy giraffe and telling him how funny he would look if he had spots like a giraffe. He finally cheered up and began to smile, and after that we had the best time playing together!!

I couldn't believe how sweet he was all day. He asked me to play a game with him, but I couldn't play until I finished the dishes. So I asked him if he could just play by himself for a few minutes. Well I did the dishes really quickly and when I looked back, Cohen was standing quietly by the game, not having moved and just waiting patiently for me to finish!! He never complained or anything. I have never seen a 3 year old boy do that! So I rewarded him with a big hug and a kiss and then by playing for as long as he wanted after that. :)

Abundant Blessings

2009-08-18T22:13:00.008-05:00

Since I've been out of town, I am just now catching up on my friend's blogs. Today I was really encouraged by reading about my friend Jennifer's "dreams, passions, and longings." Jennifer is the director of the Hogar de Amor children's home in Bolivia. I was so blessed to read her joy in this season of her life. The Lord "is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think"!!! (Ephesians 3:20) Each season of life comes with its trials and hardships, but He is so faithful to lift us out of each one of them.

Here is one portion of that post:
I just had a neat tiny glimpse tonight that God was pretty involved to have set me apart to be right here, right now, no matter how much it pains me to feel my other lifelong dream of a dozen children of my own slipping away. Cuz I'm here, living "one adventure right after the other".

I definitely relate to her finding joy in even the times we would never have chosen for ourselves. When I was a little girl, I would have told you I would have been married by 19 (the same age as my mom was when my parents married) and have 6 kids by 30. I had so many plans! I'll be 22 next month and everything has been different from my original plans, but I would not change one step of the way. God has been so close to me through all these years! His way is so, so much better than our own. Praise the Lord--He is so good!

Thoughts of God and Heaven

2009-08-18T10:03:00.009-05:00

I was out of town this past week attending a mini conference and visiting with good friends. It was such a wonderful time of renewal and refreshment! The whole time I was driving up there (about a 4 hour trip) I kept worrying that maybe I hadn't made the right choice deciding to go. After all, last week was my only full week off of school. But as soon as I got there, I knew that this was where I needed to be. The Lord used that trip to encourage me so, so much! I was able to fellowship with good friends whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We even kicked all the men out of the house, dressed up and had a tea party!!

We were staying at a house way out in the country, and my friend Susie and I went outside to look at the stars. Seriously, I have never seen so many stars in my life. We could actually see the Milky Way!! We stood out there, loving the beauty and worshiping God. Then it hit me.
Isn't it amazing how God shows us things so gently? He is so tender and loving toward His children. And that very same God created all of those stars--each one a sun of its own--by just speaking a word! Yet our Lord came down and gave His life for us because He loved us.

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O Lord , our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!" --Psalm 8:3-9

What a wonderful God we serve!! I was amazed (once again) this weekend how He teaches me things in my heart, and then sends a preacher my way to re-emphasize or clarify it in a sermon. The messages were so good, and each sermon Bro. Don preached spoke to me specifically about something God has been showing me. The last message was about heaven and how we should long for it--something God has been showing me for over a year!! As much as I love being here on earth, serving Him and loving His people, I have an indescribable longing for heaven. I cannot wait to see my Lord face to face!!

Feasting on the Lord

2009-08-07T22:26:00.007-05:00

Today I had a really good Bible study on 1 Kings chapter 17, and I thought I would share some of what I learned.

1 Kings 17 introduces us to Elijah. In the previous chapter, we meet Ahab and are told, "He...went and served Baal and worshiped him....Ahab did more to provoke the LORD, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him." 1 Kings 17 starts out saying, "Now Elijah the Tishbite, of Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, 'As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, before whom I stand, there shall be neither dew nor rain these years, except by my word.' " Now what is interesting about this is that Baal was the god of fertility and the "storm god." By causing a drought, God proves that it isn't Baal who controls the skies, but the Lord God. The text notes in my Bible say, "[In the Baal worshipper's eyes] the absence of rain meant the absence of Baal."

The rest of the passage eloquently demonstrates God's care for His people. Because of his declaration, Elijah had to run for his life from Ahab. The only problem was, there was famine everywhere, affecting even God's people. But God's loving provision for His people is so merciful and rich! "And the word of the LORD came to him: 'Depart from here and turn eastward and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. You shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there....And the ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.' "

It is so wonderful to read this and know that the Lord would do the same for me as He does for Elijah--no, He does do the same things for me, every day. I may not literally be fed by ravens, but He feeds me with so much!! In the middle of the desert of this world, He gives me the bread of encouragement when He helps me with even the tiniest of things: finding my keys just in time, so I'm not late for work; giving me favor in the eyes of a boss or a teacher, and countless other daily blessings. And He feeds me with the meat of His Word through the wisdom of men who walk closely with Him and faithfully preach the truth, and through the Holy Spirit's teachings to my soul. What a mighty, yet loving, merciful God and Savior!!

And consider this--How loving and personal God is in His care for His children. He could have just sent Elijah to a place where there were animals to kill for meat and where wheat was growing for bread. But instead He allowed Elijah to see His overwhelming love and care for him. He did not even allow Elijah a chance to doubt that it was indeed the Lord who was providing for him! Later in this chapter, the Lord does the same thing for the widow. His provision for her left no room for doubting. And the widow lived in Zarephath--an area considered at the heart of Baal worship! But the Lord was so tender with her, even raising her son from the dead! After, listen to what she says: "And the woman said to Elijah,'Now I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the LORD in your mouth is truth.' " She trusted in the Lord--because of the death (and then the raising) of her son! The Lord knows just what we need. His care for us is perfect!

Finally a Post!!

2009-07-31T19:42:00.008-05:00

Somehow with being so busy in my summer classes, I have gotten behind in posting anything on this blog. I've been in New Orleans 2 or 3 days a week for clinicals at Children's Hospital, and the other days I have I'm either studying like crazy (since we have a test every week) or in class. My final is Monday, though, so hopefully I'll get to catch up after that!

I think I will end up with a 92 in my Pediatrics class. Unfortunately, I need a 93 to get an A. So I probably won't have an A, but I'll come close.

I have a cold right now and I have a bad headache and I can barely breathe. It doesn't really help me study for my final too well!! I'm also really achy from an especially strenuous workout I did on Wednesday.... It makes me kind of nervous to be sick and achy at the same time, especially considering that there are numerous Swine Flu patients at Children's Hospital! I'm sure I don't have it (no fever or anything), but it definitely makes me stop and carefully assess my symptoms!! haha

I really loved my pediatrics clinical experience, and I received a huge complement from my instructor yesterday in my end-of-the-semester evaluation. He told me that he thinks I do really well working under pressure! He said that if someone came to him and asked for a recommendation for an ICU nurse from our current nursing class (with 43 students) he would recommend me without hesitation! That was so encouraging after my past bad experience with instructors who like to intimidate their students. I really needed a teacher who was confident in my abilities. Since failing, I have had a hard time finding confidence if I make even the tiniest of mistakes--because that was why my teacher failed me (an automatic "D" because she wasn't happy with me)! But this teacher was great. Even when I had a bad day, he just took me aside and said, "We all have bad days, I know you will do better next time because you are a good nurse."

Praise the Lord, He has been soo good to me! He never fails to amaze me with His grace toward His children. I was laying in bed Wednesday night trying to fall asleep, and absolutely terrified of going to clinicals the next day. When I failed, it was on the last day of clinicals, so the last day of clinicals always makes me nervous. (If I were to fail again, I would be kicked out of nursing school--for seven years!) Suddenly a song popped into my head. It says, "Jesus' blood never failed me yet...He won't fail me yet." I knew everything would be okay. And it was!! :)

In My Heart

2009-07-20T13:52:00.007-05:00

I have been so busy lately I haven't had any time to write a post. Hopefully when I finish up this class in 2 weeks I will be able to catch up on some posts!! I am doing really well in this class, though. So far I have had better grades in my Pediatrics class than I have had in any other nursing class!! (That really surprises me, since this is supposed to be one of the hardest classes.) I'm really praying I keep an A in the class.

I have been listening to a lot of praise and worship music while I'm studying, and I've been humming this modern hymn all day. I just love the words. It really expresses what God has been working in my heart the past few weeks:

In my heart there is a stirring
One that did not start with me
A love to worship my Creator
To show His love for all to see

I will worship
I will honor
I will exalt the Lord above
All my days
I’ll sing the praises
Of His great redeeming love

In my heart there is a treason
One that poisons all my love
Take my heart and consecrate it
Wash it in Your cleansing blood

Tie me to the Rock unchanging
Tie me to His wondrous Cross
I’ll fix my eyes upon the Savior
All other things I count as loss
Tie me to the Rock unchanging
And His great redeeming love

"In My Heart" by Eric Grover;
Sovereign Grace Music (this is a division of Sovereign Grace Ministries--Joshua Harris' church, for those who are familiar with him)

Giving Thanks

2009-07-04T22:36:00.007-05:00

Wow, I haven't posted anything for a while! I have been so busy lately that I've barely even had time to think about posting anything on here. I actually started 4 different posts but none of them were finished. So since most of them had to do with nursing stuff, I thought I'd combine them into one big post. As I was looking through the different things I'd written, I realize that most all of it had to do with being thankful for what the Lord has given me. I think that is one of the best things about nursing; it constantly makes me aware of just how much the Lord blesses us every day.

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I just finished my OB class. I've always been interested in labor and delivery, but I didn't have any idea just how much I would enjoy that class. I think I would really love being an OB nurse. It is just so wonderful to help a child come into the world! I cared for a teenage girl one day in my clincals. She was having her second baby; her first child was already 4 years old. That would have meant she was only about 14 when she had her first. The whole day I took care of her, I kept contrasting her experience with that of women around the world. I couldn't help thinking, "How do they do it?" I mean, birth is work. How in the world do some mothers do it without help? Here with our Westernized health care, we monitor the entire labor process with extreme precision. If one thing is off from what we'd like it to be, we know just what to do to get back to the "normal" range. It is so easy for something to go wrong! The same girl that I was taking care of was fine for this birth, but her last birth wasn't okay. She gave birth to a healthy baby, but she came close to dying after the birth due to seizures she had--a complication of her abnormally high blood pressure because of the pregnancy. I kept thinking of the hundreds of girls around the world that literally give birth at 14 on the streets. If she had been one of those girls, and she wouldn't have had a chance.

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I started my pediatrics class this last week. I have been looking forward to this class for a long time!! Because of my previous experience, I knew I would love this class. Although I hadn't officially had pediatrics, I've already had a lot of pediatrics experience through my job. (When I started school I didn't expect to like it because I didn't think I could handle seeing sick children all the time. But at work, I realized one day that I'm always sad if I'm not assigned to take care of the kids!) Today in my class we were talking about the end of life care of children. It reminded me of the time about 6 months ago that I cared for a toddler (about 1 1/2 years old) who was dying because of the abuse he'd received from his parents. That was definitely the hardest case I have ever had. He had been shaken when he was 6 weeks old, leaving him so brain damaged he basically had no normal functions at all. The only responses he could give was to sneeze or cough. Other than that, he couldn't cry, move any part of his body, or even blink his eyes. At the time he was shaken, his parents were about 15, and the court couldn't prove that they purposely shook the baby (rather than just ignorance--the father claimed he shook him because he stopped breathing). So the parents took him home after the shaking incident. In the year since he was shaken, however, he has had both hips dislocated, legs broken, and obvious neglect. He was extremely underweight because his parents had still (from ignorance) been giving him the same feedings through his feeding tube that a newborn should receive. Because of technicalities in the social care system, we had to send him home with his parents again after we cared for him in the hospital. It was so hard to send him home. I struggle so much with anger in situations like that. But I think more than anything it's just sad. Sad that the parents didn't know how to care for their child in the first place. Sad that they are 16 and exhausted and clueless about how to care for this baby. Sad to watch a girl who should have been in school try to love her baby who couldn't even respond to her (she seemed so awkward, so lost--almost like she was just playing with a doll). And sad that there isn't really anyone who can help them. When I asked the social worker why we had to send the baby home with his family, why couldn't we allow him a better place to live, she said probably the saddest thing of all. Really, who would we have sent him to? No foster family would want him. Who else could care for him? The "best" thing was just to send him home to die.

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I spent the 4th of July working a shift at the hospital. As is usual on holidays there were a few crazy cases down in the ER (some minor stabbings, etc...), but everything was mostly quiet up on the Med-Surg floor where I work. At the end of the day, however, we admitted one little patient that just gave me the chills. She was 3 years old, and had come in for a near drowning. Her family had all gotten together for the holiday and I guess they just weren't watching her closely enough. Somehow, when they weren't watching she got into the pool. They ended up having to do CPR on her and everything. Praise God she's fine now! By the time we got her up on the main floor, she was just there for observation. When I heard what happened to her I just went cold all over. I have seen a lot of things since I started working in the hospital, but I this one for some reason hit me really close to my heart.

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God has really been reminding me lately of how much He has blessed us with modern technology. Almost every time I take care of a patient in the hospital, I think, "This person would most likely be dead right now if it weren't for _____". When I think about that little girl, I realize that without CPR she would not be alive right now. There are so many times throughout the day I have stopped just to thank the Lord that He has placed me where He has. Just last week I was able to use Skype twice to talk to friends in Europe. (I love Skype, by the way. It was so wonderful to be able to talk to family when I was working in Prague last summer!) I was reminded of the thousands of men who fought in WWII who would have done anything to be able to hear the voice of the people they loved. And I can click a couple of buttons and talk as long as I want. How blessed we are!!

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

2009-06-20T20:00:00.007-05:00

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Picture from a church in Germany (taken when I was there last summer)

I am Barabbas

2009-06-20T12:00:00.002-05:00

Man of scorn, enchained by sin
My thieving ways had stolen lives.
I did not care what happened to men
Imprisoned by lusts and my self-pride.
Barabbas, I’m called (when names were used),
That man shoved in a dirty cell.
Expecting death, I was accused
Of more radical crimes than I could tell.
Less than human yet more than dead
No living man cared at all.
I waited for the end with dread
As I heard the yells outside the walls.

Suddenly, a closer sound
The door opened, a man stood there.
Though blood flowed from His gaping wounds
His gentle eyes caught my stare.
A soldier pushed the Man inside
While another yanked me from the floor.
He touched my arm as He passed by
Then they pulled me out the door.

“What is this—am I to die?”
I asked the guard (who seemed the head)
His answer took me by surprise
“No, this Man will die instead,
Though Pilate finds no guilt in Him.”
“Then why is He to take my place?
His face so meek—how did this Man
Commit crimes worse than my disgrace?”

Then it seemed I felt His hand
Resting on my arm again
Looking down, I gazed in awe
Hardly believing what I saw.
Jesus’ blood covered me—
The very blood that had set me free!

[This is what I promised to share about Barabbas.] A few months ago, my pastor preached a series on the passion of Christ. Just as a side note in the course of the preaching, he briefly mentioned Barabbas. God suddenly spoke to my heart on hearing the story of Barabbas again. I have never really given a lot of thought to him, other than thinking of him as a criminal. But I realized that I am just like him--and I also have been freed by the death of Christ! I wrote down "I am Barabbas" as a little note in the back of my church notebook, and I've been wanting to write this poem ever since. Last week was the first time I was able to sit down and actually work on it. It really didn't turn out anything like I would have liked, but I really haven't had much chance lately to practice my poetry skills. Anyway, I thought I'd share it, not because it's really any good but just so that others can benefit from the blessing that God gave me when He allowed me to see how I was just like Barabbas--a thief, liar, murderer. But He took my place!!

Blowing Bubbles

2009-06-19T14:44:00.004-05:00

I never put pictures on my blog from other sources, but I found this on the internet today while looking at something else. I thought it was such a cool picture that I decided to post it. I don't know how they made bubbles like that. It's pretty amazing!!

Probably the main reason this picture caught my attention is it's from a country in Central Europe, which has been on my mind a lot because I've been really missing that area. I would love to go back to the Central/Eastern European region someday... I just love the people over there!

"A couple blow soap bubbles during the international music festival "be2gether" held near the 16th-century Norviliskes castle, 50 miles from Vilnius, Lithuania, at the border with Belarus, on June 13."

Problems?

2009-06-18T20:44:00.003-05:00

Hey is anyone else having problems with scheduling a post? I tried to schedule a post, but it gave me an error message and wouldn't let me post it at all. Then I re-set the date, and it published it even though the date was "June 20"! I ended up just saving it as a draft..... So just wondering, has anybody else been having problems?

P.S. Do you like the new layout? I'm still trying to find one I really like...

The Aroma of Sacrifice

2009-06-18T11:12:00.008-05:00

Some of my good friends could probably tell you that every so often I get obsessed with someone from Scripture. For a while, it seems, God will keep sending Scriptures my way that emphasize a particular Bible character. Sometimes, it can even be someone really obscure. Several months ago, that person was Balaam; it seemed that every time I studied my Bible I found Scriptures to do with him. (Did you know that besides being listed in the story in Numbers, he is also spoken of at least 6 or 7 other times throughout the Bible?) Another was David, then Jeremiah, then Barabbas (hopefully I will be able to share some of my thoughts on him soon), and now Mary.

For a long time, now, I have almost been jealous of Mary. She was able to be with Jesus, touch Him, and show Him her devotion in person:

Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. Jesus said, “Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me.” (John 12:1-7)

How I have wished that I could also kiss the feet of Jesus and prove to everyone how much I love Him!! What an amazing sacrifice that she gave, to literally pour out all of her savings in loving Him.

On my hour drive to school, I usually listen to a sermon. Not really noticing what I was putting in my CD player, yesterday I popped in one that I hadn’t heard in a while. It ended up being on this very passage, and God spoke to me so much through it. Some of the things I realized where things the preacher said, but most of them were just things God told me in my heart.

First of all, I don’t need to be jealous of Mary, because I can do the same thing for Jesus even now! Mary’s devotion was shown, not by what she did, but her attitude in doing it. It was willingness to give up everything for Christ. She even gave up her dignity, because in that time, for a Jewish woman to uncover her hair was degrading. Also, the very cost of the perfume was a huge sacrifice. It says it was worth about “three hundred denarii”, or three hundred day’s worth of wages (almost a year’s salary!!). If you consider that here in the US, minimum wage is $6.55, three hundred days of working only eight hour shifts would mean that a worker would make about $15,720!! And this is what she “wasted” on Jesus.

Second, when we sacrifice something this costly for Jesus, it is an aroma to the world. It says in verse 3, “The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” Everyone who was near knew what she had done, and how much she had given up for her Savior. Even those around her considered it a “waste” she knew that her Savior was worth so much more.

Third, Mary did not give any thought to what those around her would think or what she was sacrificing. She knew that she would be thought of as crazy, but she did not care what others thought. I’m sure she felt just as Paul, when he later said, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” (Philippians 3:8).

Fourth, from great trial comes great love. Look at what had happened only a chapter before. Jesus had allowed Lazarus to die (verse 6), then raised him from the dead. If Jesus had simply healed Lazarus, do you think that Mary would have felt such love for Him? But oh, He raised him from the dead!! How could she help but love Him with everything she had? I am sure that this is why Jesus allowed Lazarus to die. At the time, it didn't seem loving, but He knew that the greater blessing was for them to feel the greatest possible love for Him.

We should all be like Mary. We can all come before Jesus, and pour out everything we have, even if it means losing our worth before other people in loving Him. He is worth it all!! I want my love for Him to be an aroma of sacrifice, just like Mary’s.

Weekend of Blessings

2009-06-15T23:02:00.004-05:00

I spent this past weekend in at a conference in Bentley, LA. My sister and I started going to the tri-annual family camp when we were about 12 or 13, and we have been going ever since. It has always been a special place for our family, a time of renewal and fellowship. (I was converted the first time I went, too, so I guess I have an extra-special link with the camps.)

As many times as I have been in the almost 10 years of my attending the Bentley camps, I have never seen the Lord move quite like He did this past weekend. Friday night after the main speaker preached a very powerful message, the Lord moved 7 or 8 young people to conviction of their sins and they were brought to Christ!! Most of them were teenagers (1 or 2 were much younger), several of whom I've been praying for for several years. It was such an amazing event! I was so blessed to be able to be a part of it. Most of us there didn't even go to bed until after 2am because everywhere there was crying, praying, and rejoicing!! After we had a time of praise, several of us older girls got a group of the new Christians together and had an impromptu Bible study, where we were able to encourage them all in the Lord. It was such a blessing to be able to pour into their lives. I pray that God will give these baby Christians strong support, so that they will grow daily in their faith!!

It was such a blessing to see God move in such a powerful way! I just want to remind you all--the Lord is still on His throne, and He works everything out according to His will!! And it is so wonderful to see!!! Praise the Lord--He is worthy of all glory and honor!!!

Update on Burma Orphanage:

2009-06-09T18:50:00.008-05:00

Thank you for praying for the children who were attacked last week in our new orphanage in Burma. We are pleased to report that all 90 of our children have been safely accounted for! We're so grateful to the Father for his provision and protection and to you for praying for their safety.

It appears at this point that our orphanage was caught in the middle of a major offensive by the Burmese forces against the Karen people. News reports have surfaced that three to four thousand Karen have since fled into Thailand to escape attacks on camps along the Thai border. Please continue to cover them in prayer.

Here's the report from our representative on the ground with the kids:

First of all, we thank God that all children and many other families survived. ... Our first stop was to see and help the KT children from Burma. The children were gathered at a Christian orphanage on the Thai side, which is just across the river of KT, Burma. The children were so happy to see our family, we brought them food, clothes, medicines, mats and plastic. Our children (90 of them) can stay here but they still sleep in the open, there is not enough space for them, this orphanage has already 55 children of their own.
We are allowed to build new dorms and a new school for our 90 children. We hope to start with this asap. This property belongs to a Christian based NGO and because of the current situation, the Thai government allows us to have our KT children here as well.

Please Pray!

2009-06-05T15:07:00.007-05:00

Just the other day I posted a portion of an e-mail I received from the IJM. I am also signed up to receive e-mails from the International Christian Concern. The e-mail I got today chilled me to the bone. I don't understand why anyone would attack an orphanage, but this world can be so evil sometimes. I have a few friends (who are now in America) from this part of the world, and they have told me the persecution of Christians in this area is definitely really severe. Please be praying for these people!!

I just wanted to let you know that one of our worst fears has been realized. Our orphanage in Burma was attacked by the Burmese army last night.

The orphanage was a new project for us. The buildings (dorms, church, and a school) had just been finished in April. We had 30 kids in the orphanage. Their stories, such as the ones below, are heartbreaking.

My name is Kham Loo, I am 13 years old. I have been here for eleven months. My parents were killed in Burma. I am an only child. It was very dangerous for me to get here. I had to avoid the many landmines. I saw the Burmese soldiers come into my village and have witnessed many of my friends being murdered. Many girls have been raped and then killed by Burmese soldiers. Other girls who were gang raped became crazy. The Burmese soldiers also took our harvest.

My name is Seng Mon. I am 11 years old. I have been here four months. It took me one day to travel here. My father died and my mother was taken away by the Burmese soldiers. I came here, because in Burma it is very dangerous. I have seen the Burmese soldiers raping girls. There are many landmines around our village in Burma. I feel safe here and I want to learn to speak English.

The project was such a success that another 60 kids (persecuted and traumatized by war but not orphans) had come to the orphanage for an education and relative safety (compared to living without defense in the jungle on the constant run from the army).

But last night, these kids were trapped and had to flee in the middle of the night. The only way to safety was across the river into Thailand (photo at right). Not all of the kids knew how to swim so we are on pins and needles waiting to hear what happened. The initial report is that most survived (Praise God!!).

A few days ago our representative on the ground had warned us that there were fears that the Burmese army might attack because the fighting was getting increasingly close and the Burmese army was going to make a final push this year to defeat the Karen people.

Well, last night those rumors became reality. Here is the report from our partners on the ground.

As far as we know, we have 400 children and some adults on the Thai side, somewhere in hiding in a ____________. It is rainy season and kids need to get clothes and plastic tarps and rice for now.

The army attacked the camp in Burma first, then went and crossed the river and went into Thailand! They then crossed the river again from the Thai side into the other camp, our kids were trapped and could not run deeper into Burma because there were landmines placed around the camp.

The only way to escape was to cross the river into Thailand. This created, of course, major panic. Many of the little ones cannot swim and it was pitch dark. (The initial report is that) most of the children survived though they are traumatized and don't have dry clothes or food to eat. Please, Please, pray for this urgent situation.

We will keep you updated as we learn more. Obviously, we want you to pray and ask for help for these kids. Also, if you want to help with financial needs for the kids, you can go to http://www.persecution.org/suffering/donation.php and include in the note that your gift is for the "Burma orphanage."

Thank you,

Jeff King

President, ICC

Negative Purity

2009-06-05T08:00:00.001-05:00

I found an excellent quote the other day from Charles Spurgeon on Psalm 1. It really convicted me that as a follower of our Lord, not only should I be keeping myself from evil, but I should also be devoting myself (far more than I do) to delighting in the Lord and His Word. Oh, I do love the Word of God (Psalm 119 is one of my favorites)! But do I meditate on it day and night? Do I follow the Lord as if He were right beside me every moment? I know that I don't. Lord, I pray You will teach me to follow You as I should!

Psalm 1
Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
for the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

From Charles Spurgeon:
And now mark his positive character. "His delight is in the law of the Lord." He is not under the law as a curse and condemnation, but he is in it, and he delights to be in it as his rule of life; he delights, moreover, to meditate in it, to read it by day, and think upon it by night. He takes a text and carries it with him all day long; and in the night-watches, when sleep forsakes his eyelids, he museth upon the Word of God. In the day of his prosperity he sings psalms out of the Word of God, and in the night of his affliction he comforts himself with promises out of the same book. "The law of the Lord" is the daily bread of the true believer. And yet, in David's day, how small was the volume of inspiration, for they had scarcely anything save the first five books of Moses! How much more, then, should we prize the whole written Word which it is our privilege to have in all our houses! But alas, ill-treatment is given to this angel from heaven! We are not all Berean searchers of the Scriptures. How few among us can lay claim to the benediction of the text! Perhaps some of you can claim a sort of negative purity, because you do not walk in the way of the ungodly; but let me ask you--Is your delight in the law of God? Do you study God's Word? Do you make it the man of your right hand--your best companion and hourly guide? If not, this blessing belongeth not to you.

IJM Rescue

2009-06-04T20:00:00.006-05:00

I received this e-mail yesterday from the International Justice Mission (IJM). They are
"a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. IJM lawyers, investigators and aftercare professionals work with local governments to ensure victim rescue, to prosecute perpetrators and to strengthen the community and civic factors that promote functioning public justice systems. IJM's justice professionals work in their communities in 12 countries in Asia, Africa and Latin America to secure tangible and sustainable protection of national laws through local court systems." (Taken from their website.)

I am signed up to get prayer updates from them, and I always rejoice to see God's work being done. Praise the Lord for this latest update:

IJM Rescue Update
Location: Mumbai, India
Date: Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Result: Trafficking ring crippled - 8 suspected perpetrators arrested, victims freed

Dear Katie,

I'm pleased to share that in a carefully planned, multi-stage rescue operation conducted last week in partnership with the India Central Bureau of Investigations, IJM struck a blow at an organized trafficking ring that had entrapped victims from as far away as Bangladesh. In cooperation with IJM staff, police arrested the suspected perpetrators and safely removed 34 women and girls from a restaurant, a hotel and the trafficker’s apartment and brought them to a safe location where they are now receiving counseling and care.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever;
who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous.
The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless,
but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.
The Lord will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the Lord !
~Psalm 146:5-10

Amy's Lily

2009-06-03T15:45:00.024-05:00

Pretty much anyone who knows me will realize that I love to read. I used to read a lot when I was in high school, but in college I haven't had as much time. One thing I still make time to read though, is biographies--especially biographies about missionaries. I am always encouraged by the reminder that these people struggled just like I do. It is so easy to think of the missionaries we read of as some kind of "super-Christians." But they were everyday people, only accomplishing and overcoming what they did through Christ.

Last year I was really impacted by the lives of the Elliots. I read Passion and Purity, The Journals of Jim Elliot, and The Savage My Kinsman. Through Elisabeth Elliot's love of Amy Carmichael, I became interested in her life. So when I finished my books on the Elliots, I started reading books about Amy Carmichael. I've finished a few written by her, and I'm currently reading a wonderful biography about her, A Chance to Die (which was actually written by Elisabeth Elliot).

Today while I was reading, I ran across an event in her life that really impacted me. It reminded me so much of all that my Casa de Amor friends are going through right now.

"A few weeks later an epidemic struck. Two babies died, and Indraneela ("Sapphire" in Tamil), the only baby left, lay very quietly on Atah's lap....'She held out her little hands to be kissed, and then, tired, fell asleep. In the few hours that followed we could not help noticing the other-world expression deepening in the baby's eyes....Then there was a sudden breaking of the silence, one little cry, the baby's mother-word, "Amma!"'

An angel came for her, Amy said--gently touched her so that she slept and woke to the music of heaven. Amy took the children to the garden and showed them nasturtiums and convolvulus which were not flourishing as they should have. But one beautiful lily, the first that had ever blossomed there, had opened that very morning.

'If Jesus came to our garden,' she asked, 'which flower would you give Him?'

They ran to the lily. 'We would give Him this!'

Would she give Him her lily?....We would give Him this! We would give Him this!--the words kept repeating themselves in her mind. Would she, could she give Him this? As she was resting in her room later that afternoon, trying to gather strength for the baby's burial, she heard Mr. Walker's schoolboys reading aloud from the book of Exodus the description of the breastplate of the high priest, which had four rows of stones. In the second row was a sapphire. It was the word she needed. Her Sapphire was "set on His breast." The child would be safe there.

Dear little feet, so eager to be walking
But never walked in any grieving way,
Dear little mouth, so eager to be talking
But never hurt with words it cannot say,
Dear little hands, outstretched in eager welcome,
Dear little head that close against me lay--
Father, to Thee I give my Indraneela,
Thou wilt take care of her until That Day"

(A Chance to Die, by Elisabeth Elliot; pp. 184-185)

Jesus I am Resting

2009-06-03T15:12:00.009-05:00

A friend of mine introduced me to this beautiful hymn a few weeks ago. It has really meant a lot to me lately, so I thought I would share the blessing.

Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

Refrain

Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

O, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Refrain

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings:
Thine is love indeed!

Refrain

Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting ’neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth’s dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father’s glory,
Sunshine of my Father’s face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

Refrain

Heartbreak

2009-05-30T16:48:00.004-05:00

Another baby from Casa de Amor has left this world to be with Jesus. Oh, my heart hurts so, so much right now!

Please pray for all those who are grieving his loss.

Go here to read what Jennifer wrote about beautiful Joel's passing.

"I love my sins too much"

2009-05-30T14:28:00.004-05:00

I've been wanting to post for a while about an experience I had a few weeks ago. My sister and I just moved back in with our parents, and I had gone up to our on-campus apartment after work to pack up some boxes. A international student friend came by and offered his help, and since some of the boxes where pretty heavy and I was by myself, I let him give me a hand. He ended up staying for almost 3 hours, and we had some really good conversations. I love learning about new cultures and comparing them to my own (I guess my clinical teachers would call it becoming "culturally competent"), so we talked for a long time about school here, his family and home country, transition to the US, and learning English.

Finally, the Lord led me to ask him about his faith. I expected him to give me a quick answer and leave it at that, but (I think partly through our previous conversation) God opened up a door for me to witness to him for nearly an hour! He described himself as being an agnostic who thought of Christianity as "too simple of an answer for a complex problem" and he was seeking for the answers. I was encouraged to hear that he was seeking, and explained to him that Scripture says those who seek Christ with their whole hearts will find him. But it really saddened me when he said, "I just love my sins too much" to follow Christ.

He has just moved back to his country. I pray that the Christians he saw here will have left a lasting impact on his life, and he really will seek after Christ. There were several people here who were witnessing to him. I've been praying for him a whole lot the past few weeks. Maybe God will place other Christians in his life back home that will continue to witness to him.

Babies and such...

2009-05-30T13:25:00.008-05:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I've been able to post on here. I haven't even been on my computer in over a week. Summer school has been keeping me really busy since we have been having our OB class from 8-5 every day. But I'm loving it! I can't wait to actually get to the hospital next week and start delivering babies!! I didn't expect to like OB this much, but I have a great teacher, and the class is so fascinating. I think my teacher is a Christian, and having a decidedly pro-life OB teacher is very refreshing. She is has said several times that the beginning of life definitely points to the Creator. At a secular school, it is so wonderful to study about pregnancy and birth from that perspective!! And just in case no one has realized it yet, I love babies. I'm sitting in class most of the day trying not to smile because I'm having so much fun!!

I'm partnered with one of the guys in our class for a presentation project, and we choose topic of how pregnancy and birth affects fathers. Sounds pretty fun to me!! :)
[Haha I was thinking I should try to get my partner to wear one of those father "empathy suits" but somehow I don't think he would like it too much....]

Finished with finals.... :)

2009-05-15T23:22:00.003-05:00

So I don't have much time but I wanted to say how happy I am to be finished with finals!! I didn't do as well in my main nursing class as I expected. I had a really high B the whole semester but the final was a killer and I made an 84.2 (I needed an 85 to get a B). So I basically had the highest C possible. :( However in Nursing 440 (Nursing Research) I was expecting a B, but got an A instead!! I did much better on the final than I expected. :) So that was encouraging!

But I'm tired--my sister and I just finished packing up our apartment we lived in for the past year. We are going to be moving back home with our parents. It's been convenient to not have to drive an hour every day, but the way things are working out now it will be a lot better to live at home. Plus, I've missed my family a whole lot. Just being able to see them on the weekends has been a big adjustment for our close family. I will be glad to be around for my little brothers and sister.

Now I'm finished with the apartment but I'm at home packing my suitcase for an impromptu trip to Austin to visit our grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins. :D I'm so excited! Because of nursing school I haven't gotten to go to Texas for almost 2 years!! So it will be wonderful to see my extended family again. :) Gotta go pack and then get some sleep--hopefully I'll post more soon!

Twin Things

2009-05-10T22:16:00.013-05:00

Since I come from a "twin" family, I thought I would answer the "twin" questions out there for anyone who wants to ask. We have two sets of twins in my family--my sister Emily and I, and my younger brother and sister, Steven and Laura, who are almost 14. We also have a little brother, Ryan, who will soon be 7 [he's a poor, lonely, singleton. haha].

I have heard a lot of stupid questions over the years. So if you are thinking of talking to a twin about what it is like to be a twin, then you might want to read this first. ;)

1. "What is it like to be a twin?"
How in the world do I answer that? It's not like I have anything to compare it to. Maybe I should ask you how you like being a singleton. Of course I like it, but I've never experienced anything else!

2. "Do you hurt when your twin hurts?"
No!! We are just like anyone else. Like my dad says, we are just "womb mates"!

3. "Do you think the same thoughts at the same time?"
Of course not.... Sometimes we finish each other's sentences, but I also do that with my little sister. That just comes from knowing someone very, very well.

4. "Are you identical?"
This one is my absolute favorite. Me: blond haired, light blue (almost gray) eyes, and a round face. My twin sister: dark brown hair, deep blue eyes, and a more oval face. We are obviously not identical.
The one that really takes the cake though is when people ask this question about my twin brother and sister. No they are not identical. Do you need a biology lesson??!

5. "How could y'all have different majors/hobbies/tastes? Aren't you twins?"
Once again, we are each very different people, with definitely different callings in life.

6. "Since you're twins, y'all must share everything."
Once upon a time, when we were 2 years old, yes we had all the same things. But we each have our own very distinct styles and tastes. And there are things that we each have apart from the other one.

7. "Why don't y'all dress alike?"
When we were little, we were almost thought of as one person, "Katie-'n-Emily." We wanted desperately to be known for the individuals we were--and we didn't want to confuse that any more by dressing alike.

8. "Why don't your names rhyme?"
Because my parents didn't want them to. (What else should I say?)

9. "Don't you get tired of being a twin?"
Nope. You don't get tired of having the family that you have, do you?

10. "Do you have a 'twin language'?"
I really can't say that we have ever spoken to each other in a different language. I don't remember ever even trying to create our own language or anything. I do know that the worst punishment Mom ever gave us for fighting was our being banned from speaking for the day. (We never had bad fights, just sibling squabbles.) But we couldn't stand to not speak to each other for an entire day! We wrote notes on those days and passed them under the table to each other during our homeschool classes. :) Another creative punishment for arguing was her tying our arms together with a cloth and making us clean the kitchen together (forcing us to cooperate and stop fighting). It worked, too! ;)

There are a whole lot more things I could say about being a twin. But definitely, the biggest blessing is just being able to say that all my life I've been able to grow up with my best friend right beside me the whole way!! :)

P.S. As this is Mother's Day, I add a huge thank you to my wonderful mother--for giving birth to 5 children in only 3 pregnancies, raising us to fear the LORD, and being the most beautiful Proverbs 31 woman I can think of. I love you Mama!

Dream Wedding

2009-05-03T23:38:00.018-05:00

Yesterday, my sweet friend Leah married her best friend. I have loved watching them over the years, growing in love and together in Christ. Their wedding was a testimony of love, and it is a day I will probably remember for the rest of my life.

It was a beautiful Southern wedding, at her aunt's huge plantation with oak trees covered in Spanish moss. (I love being a Southern gal. ;) )

But more than anything else, it was the love and absolute joy they felt that made it such a perfect day!

What a Beautiful Savior!

2009-04-14T16:55:00.005-05:00

The Lord is so beautiful to me, more and more every day. He picked me up when I couldn't do anything good on my own and has lead me through life in such a loving way!

As I was doing some Spanish study today, I ran across this verse in Matthew 8:2--"¡Señor, si quieres, puedes limpiarme!" ["Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."] The man speaking was considered unclean by those around him. He was marred by "leprosy" (although the text note in my Bible says the Greek referred to a skin condition, not just leprosy), and unable to do anything about it. That is just the way that we are in our sin. But Jesus, who doesn't have anything making Him unclean, chooses to heal us with only a word!! He died to cleanse us. How beautiful is that!!

This afternoon, as I was studying for a nursing test, I was listening to some worship music, and one of my favorite songs came on. I thought I'd share it. It always reminds me of how, without Christ, I am no better than anyone else. I am an orphan, adopted by my Father, a whore, sought by my Husband, and a runaway, lost until He found me. He has given me everything. Praise Him!! How could I refuse to share His love with those around me?

You are on our side (Bethany Dillon)
The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

A Wonderful Opportunity

2009-04-11T01:15:00.013-05:00

This week I had one of the best experiences I've had in a really long time: I got to speak at a campus event! Not that it might sound like fun to most people. And actually, speaking in public isn't something I normally enjoy either. But this time was much different. God blessed me in such a special way this week through what happened.

A few months ago, a few of my college friends and I were talking about the Compassion International ministry, and we came up with an idea to host an event to raise awareness of needy children on our college campus and try to get people to sponsor a child. We agreed that a few different people needed to speak at the event, and I mentioned that I would be willing to speak if it was necessary. My family has been involved with Compassion ever since I can remember, so I knew I would have a lot to talk about. Well, the idea kind of just brewed for a month or so before the people in charge were able to really start any planning. (Because of my busy schedule, I wasn't really in charge of planning anything, just kind of like a side helper for Alicia, who was in charge of the event.)

Once the planning really got started, Alicia came up to me and said, "You know, the other day I heard you mention a friend who runs an orphanage in Bolivia. Since you seem to know a lot about that country, would you mind giving a little talk just highlighting the needs of that area? I would also like for you to talk about the orphanage if you can." I was totally shocked. Alicia had no idea how perfect that was for me! I can't even begin to say how thrilled I was to have that opportunity!!!.... My closest friends will tell you that I love the children of Bolivia, and I could talk for hours about the needs of that region. (I have been interested in Bolivia ever since I started learning Spanish in high school. I remember it was highlighted one day in our lesson, and something about the culture just captured my attention. Only a few weeks later I started reading a book called His Chosen Bride; one part of the book spoke about the utter hopelessness of the street kids in Bolivia, and I've been hooked ever since!) And as far as being asked to talk about Casa De Amor... well, I've loved that ministry ever since it began!! :-)

So this last week I spent several hours compiling all the information I've gathered over the years and putting it together into one 10 minute talk. I hadn't been working on it very long when I stopped to check my e-mail, and saw I had gotten a forward from an "e-mail/blogger friend". She was forwarding a story about the kids of Bolivia!! [Thanks D.--that article was very helpful! :)] I was so excited. It was just amazing how it all fit together. And the very day I gave the talk--April 7th--the sponsorship forms for Casa de Amor were finally made available. So after the whole event was over, we had at least 5 people agree to sponsor children through Compassion, and at least 2 children will be sponsored through Casa de Amor!!

It was such an exciting day. I was just so blessed to be able to talk about something I love so much that I wasn't even nervous at all. I think that even though not many people came the the event (it ended up being unusually cold, and we held it outside), the people that did come were really touched. And to me, if even one child's life is affected, it was totally worth everything!!

Note: If you want to sponsor a child through Casa de Amor, download this form.

And yes, I really did post this at 1:15. I was up talking to my friend Susie while she rocked her newborn baby. It was worth the lack of sleep. :D

Blessings Innumerable

2009-04-11T00:11:00.003-05:00

I've been needing to write on here for weeks.... Life just kind of runs by me and I forget how much I need to write. Writing is definitely my outlet! But I've been kept so busy with nursing school that I don't even feel like I have a minute to think sometimes.

I have been wondering again the past few days why God led me to get a bachelor's RN degree when I wanted to take the shorter route so much and finish with my ASN in two years. *sigh* I can't even begin to say how much I hate school. More and more every single day I'm in it. I think it's really because right now I'm so bored with what I'm doing. I've been doing the same thing for almost a year now (because that teacher failed me last semester), and I'm just really tired of it all.

The Lord has been so close to me over the past few months, though, and I know I wouldn't trade that for anything. I just wish that somehow I would be able to take joy in what I'm doing. I'm about to start my obsetrics/pediatrics rotation, though, and even though that is the hardest class, I'm looking so forward to it! It's truly what I love to do, and I think that it will be good for me to have a more enjoyable season. I definitely want to eventually end up doing pediatrics. I don't understand it, but for some reason I'm always able to work with the kids in our section of the hospital better than any of the nurses I work with. They just can't stand to have a baby for a patient. But I'm actually disappointed if I work and there are no children that day!!

Right now I'm at a good friend's house over spring break, holding her new baby and just loving it. What a joy it is to see my best friends having children! They are so precious. I love every minute of it.

For my fellow homeschoolers...

2009-03-14T00:56:00.003-05:00

Are you the stereotypical homeschooler? X the boxes that apply to you.

Growing up/now
[x] Girls: Own/have owned a denim jumper [unfortunately yes when I was about 13.... but we were never required to wear dresses except to church; we just had to dress modestly]
[x] You were at least 13 when you got your first "trendy" haircut [I was probably about 13 when I decided that I actually needed layers in my hair...]
[x] Everything in your closet at some time was referred to as modest
[x] You do/have tucked things in that shouldn't be tucked in [but not anymore! haha i hope my fashion sense has improved!]
[] You have been a member of at least 2 co-ops
[x] Your mom drives a van of some sort [an awesome great big red van that you can see almost a mile away!! :)]
[x ] You have at least one childhood picture where you, your mom, and all you siblings matched [sort of--we were all wearing red shirts i think or something like that. we didn't have outfits made out of the same fabric though. but emily and i did wear matching dresses some in kindergarten]
[ ] You are/were/will be a PSEO Student
[x] At some point in your life you were more comfortable with adults than kids your own age
[x] Have studied ways to defend your beliefs, debate, and/or create laws
[x] Used uber conservative A Beka or Bob Jones curriculum
Total: 9

[x] You use big words that most adults could not use in conversation
[x] You can use the words sublime, epiphany, and cognizant correctly
[ ] You have a favorite word.
[] You have an understanding of Latin root words and how to use them
[x] People from the outside world are referred to as "public schoolers" [oh definitely! haha]
[x]You or one of your siblings knits. [actually, I crochet. ;) I'm still learning how to knit.]
[x] You laugh at the decline in literacy in America
[x] You score constantly higher than "public schoolers" on standardized tests.
[] You have no concept of cafeteria food [i wish i could "x" this one but i work in a hospital!]
[x] Family vacations are/ can be referred to as "Field Trips" [sort of... we took "field trips" on the "vacations"]
[x] Traveling on said vacations have included stopping at historical site markers along the way [almost always! but i love history so i loved this!]
[x] You have never been in a public elementary school, middle school, or high school during regular school hours (any or all of the above)
[x] You have gone to or been involved in a homeschool convention [both actually]
Total so far: 19

[x] You read books on a regular basis [I'm in the middle of about 3 or 4 right now! all different kinds of books, of course.]
[ ] You have taken part in a political protest
[x] You were a Pride and Prejudice fan before the movie [I read the book at least 7 times in high school. You should read it too!]
[x] You were a Lord of the Rings fan prior to the movie [Actually I'd never read Lord of the Rings, but I read The Hobbit many times]
[x] You were a Chronicles of Narnia fan before the movie
[x] You speak a language other than English [learning to speak Spanish.... not too good yet though]
[x] You dream of dating characters from books instead of celebrities. [not anymore...and i never wanted to date celebrities... I've only ever been interested in people I know. The characters in the books, though.... well, don't you kind of get to know them? ;)]
Total so far: 25

It (has been) assumed that you:...[since I'm in college now most people don't assume these things but when I was in grade school they often did]
[ ] Have won many spelling bees
[x] Have no social life [definitely not true]
[x] Have no friends of the opposite gender [not true]
[x]Are extremely inept [haha... this may be somewhat true! lol j/k; i'm just clumsy sometimes]
[x] Only listen to classical music [it actually puts me to sleep most of the time (unless I'm playing it)]
[x] Play piano or the violin [I've played the piano for almost 15 years]
[x] you not own a pair of trendy jeans. [not true]
[x] Have no knowledge of drugs or alcohol [haha I have no personal knowledge but is that a bad thing?!]
[x] Don't date, only court. [sort of false... I guess we are kind of more "conservative daters" now; it depends on your definition of courting. I've never been on a date if that's what it's talking about!]
[x] you Have never been to a "party"
[x] Know no other beliefs other than what your family believes
Total so far:35

You have been asked more than 10 times in your life:
[x] If you wear pajamas to school
[x] If you get perfect grades because your mom grades you [definitely was not true!!]
[] If your mom teaches you or if somebody else's mom does
[x] How do you meet people
[x] Why you aren't in school
[x] If you get days off whenever you want [we didn't...even though we always begged for our birthdays off we never got them. a lot of times we even had school on saturdays to catch up if we had taken a day off during the week for something else.]
[] If you're going to be homeschooled through college [i've never heard that one!]
[x] If you have a big family [I'm one of five kids. Not too big, really]
[] What your parents are protecting you from
[] To quote something famous
[x] For the answer, because supposedly homeschoolers always have all the answers
Total so far: 42

You have "rebelled" by:
[x] Listening to "worldly music" [haha this one cracks me up b/c my sister and I used to "sneak" and listen to country music in high school. then we found out our parents knew all along and didn't actually disapprove of anything except the sneaking part!]
[] Wearing black fingernail polish
[] Wearing tight clothes or letting your midriff show or showing off what color of boxers you are wearing
[x] Watching a *gasp* PG-13 movie
[] Breaking dress code
[x] Listening to music with a beat
[] Dancing. Especially dances that involve contact for longer than 2 seconds. With somebody of the opposite gender.
subtract this from total: 39

OVERALL TOTAL: 39

1-10 You're not really a homeschooler...you just do school at home
11-21 You're a homeschooler, but not what the world expects
22-32 You're a homeschooler
33-? Congrats you're the stereotypical homeschooler

Studies in Grace

2009-02-02T16:01:00.007-06:00

My nursing classes are really keeping me busy, so I don't know how much I will be able to post on here. But at least they are going better this semester.

Last semester was the worst semester I have ever experienced. My nursing teacher gave me a "D" in the class for almost making a few mistakes on the last day of clinicals. [It is difficult to explain her reasoning unless you understand nursing. Some nurses have one method of doing things, and others have another method. I did things by a method taught to me by other nurses. My teacher doesn't like that method however, so she is making me repeat the semester.] I--and every nursing student/nurse I have talked to (except my instructor and the nursing director)--feel that the reasons my teacher gave me an "unsatisfactory" grade were not sufficient grounds for failure. So I have really been struggling with accepting her decision. I feel like I don't deserve to go through the things I have been through with this. I am a good student; I was doing well in the class before. The remaining three weeks of that class last semester seemed to me like living in a nightmare. It only happened before in my worst dreams that I would ever even come close to failing a nursing class. Why would God let something like that happen to me? It was humbling to a point I had never been humbled before. All of my self-assurance was stripped away, and I could only cling to God. I know now that I will never get through nursing school without Him. If I fail again, I am not allowed back into the nursing program.

It is not like I was trying before to do it without Him, but I didn't know what it meant to have to completely rely upon His grace. "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (I Corinthians 12:9) Without Him, I am nothing. Sometimes I tend to forget that, and try to do it all in my own power.

In addition to all of the school struggles, I have been really struggling to overcome a lot of physical weaknesses lately. Over the past few months I have been sick with sinus infections, pneumonia, and (almost daily) severe headaches (which is terrible, as any nursing student will understand, because I can't study with these headaches!). So I am really nothing but weak! I know that when pass through these trials with victory, it will be only because of His marvelous grace.

However, last Friday I made a 98 on my nursing exam--which covered the very material my teacher failed me for! I still have a year of nursing school left, but I know that with His grace I can make it through it. But without Him, I will certainly fall.

Through all of this, I feel that the Lord has been opening up my heart to new things I have never known. He is leading me every step of the way, and I can say with confidence that I have never felt so content in my life. I have no idea where He is leading me, but I can feel that each step I take is a sure step as He is guiding me.

Lamentations 3:22-23~"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Sobering News

2009-01-28T23:06:00.012-06:00

I wanted to ask you to be praying for Casa de Amor ["House of Love" in Spanish] in Bolivia. I know some of you have heard me mention this orphanage because it is just so dear to my heart. My friend Jennifer Thompson has worked so hard to give these homeless children of Bolivia a truly safe home, and God has blessed her efforts in so many ways. Casa de Amor now has three sites, with about 40 children total. While I have never actually been able to go there to work with them, I have loved Casa de Amor since it was first started about 4 years ago; in fact, I have been praying for a long time that God would let me go to Bolivia and work with them. Hopefully I will be able to do that once I graduate from nursing school. I know that they have a great need for people with medical knowledge to help care for all the children they have with medical issues.

Right before Christmas, Casa de Amor accepted a new baby to the Baby Home, not knowing that he had chicken pox. Unfortunately, chicken pox is extremely contagious and the children have all gradually become sick with it, with each one becoming sicker than the previous one. Friday morning, one of the youngest babies in the Baby Home, 4 month old Gabriela, passed away due to complications from the chicken pox virus. Her twin brother is still fighting chicken pox pneumonia, another complication of the chicken pox. I am crying as I write this. I have loved looking at Gabriela's pictures and seeing her with her brother and the other babies of Casa de Amor. I wish I could have known her. Please pray for all these children and also for their caregivers. I know that they are all grieving, but they are still also trying to make sure that they don't lose any more of these precious children. Please also pray for all of the children of Bolivia, thousands of whom still live on the streets.

Jaquan

2009-01-12T22:25:00.002-06:00

zOver the past few years I have volunteered with Hope Extreme, an amazing organization run by my friend Tara. They offer tutoring and outreach to urban children in Houma, a town about an hour from where I live. My best friend Amber's heart is totally devoted to Hope Extreme, and I was introduced to it through her. This past semester I went every Tuesday to tutor for a few hours. Getting to know the kids has been such a blessing! They are so special, each and every one of them.

On December 22, one of the kids that was very special to Hope Extreme passed away suddenly. The funeral service was one of the saddest and yet most joyful I have ever been to. Although he was young, Jaquan didn't waste his life. He lived for his Lord, and left an example for everyone who knew him. Please keep his family and Hope Extreme in your prayers; as you can imagine, it has been extremely hard on everyone involved. Please pray also that the impact he had will continue to linger, even stronger through his death. We are praying that all the kids who knew him will realize the brevity of life, and how important it is to not waste one minute. Your next breath is not guaranteed. Not one person knows how long he/she has left on this earth.

Here is what Tara wrote about Jaquan:
The Psalmist writes "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me..." In earthly terms our human shadows are caused by a greater light that displays but a vague glimpse of our earthly image. In this passage the psalmist is aware that the shadow of death is also caused by a greater source, the all encompassing light of God shining in such a way that we are to know that "his rod and staff will comfort us."

This past month that shadow passed over Hope Extreme. Sixteen-year-old Jaquan Veal, who had been with Hope Extreme since our beginning, passed away on December 22. About twenty kids were here at the center the night we learned of his passing; as you can imagine, life here has not been the same.

We have mourned. We have doubted. We have cried. We have remembered that God is the God of second chances. Jaquan had a heart transplant almost three years ago which at the time left him blind and partially paralyzed. God gave Jaquan his life back, his sight back, and his body back and we were so thankful. Jaquan knew that his life was but a fleeting breath and dedicated it to the God who saved him. Jaquan often said that he received two hearts...a physical one, but more importantly a spiritual one, the latter which is eternal.

Though our tragedy is great, through Jaquan's life - and through those who came closer to God as a result of his death - there is greater triumph. And that is how we chose to ring in the New Year, in God's Almighty Triumph.

Jaquan and Amber

"Life, I Love Thee"

2009-01-01T18:59:00.003-06:00

The past few months, I've been reading The Journals of Jim Elliot. I love this book. Reading of Jim Elliot's struggles and victories have helped me so much in my own Christian walk. Yesterday as I was reading, I ran across a journal entry that was very convicting to me. I don't like life a lot of times. I really struggle with finding joy in a lot of it. I want to "live to the hilt every situation", as he says elsewhere, but I don't find myself doing that often enough.

On December 24, 1951 (only 4 years before his death), Jim Elliot wrote:

"Only I know that my own life is full. It is time to die, for I have had all a young man can have--at least all this young man can have. If there were no further issue from my training, it would be well--the training has been good and to the glory of God. I am ready to meet Jesus. Failure means nothing now, only that it taught me life. Success is meaningless, only that it gave me further experience for using the great gift of God--Life. And Life, I love thee, not because thou art long, or because thou hast done great things for me, but simply because I have thee from God. This writing is part of thee, and I am glad to write; not that there is any purpose in it for others--it is simply part of Life, and Life I have come to love."

Oh God, I pray that I will be able to enjoy life so fully someday!!

Why Here?

2008-12-30T23:38:00.007-06:00

I spent most of the day today reading news articles. The situation in Africa right now tears my heart apart. There are people dying in Zimbabwe for lack of food. I read of people who are praying for berries to grow so they will have something to eat. This one article really struck me, especially the picture. I had a good Christmas this year, but at times I felt that I couldn't really enjoy it. The entire day, I kept looking at all my gifts, thinking of this one picture, and almost crying as I thought, I have so much!! I wished I could share it with these people. Next year, I think that I will ask not for gifts, but donations in my name. My grandmother gave a donation to Heifer International in my name. The e-mail they sent me said that they had sent a flock of geese to a poor African family.

For some reason, I love Africa with all of my heart. Some of my favorite people are from Africa. I have at least a dozen friends from there. As I read of the thousands of people in Zimbabwe who are dying of cholera (which is so easily treated!) I long so much to go there. Why must I be here, in America, when I long to be working in Africa or India? I want to hold the hurting, and I want to be with the poor. I can't forget how my African friends have begged me to go to their countries and bring medicines to their people. I want so much to bring them medicines and show them the love of Jesus. So many of them are dying without even hearing His name.

And I think of the stories that I have heard from missionaries I know in Bolivia. There are 2,000 street kids in one city alone. The political situation in the country results in much rioting and many strikes, leaving people without transportation and often unable to get food. Cocaine is the country's biggest crop. Children as young as five are addicted to drugs and to sniffing glues. HIV/AIDS and TB are common, and not many are treated. I would love to go there and work with the children of Bolivia some day, and tell them about a Man who died for them.

Why must I be here?

Lessons

2008-12-04T00:52:00.005-06:00

Wow, I'm on a writing streak! Two posts in one day. Must be a record! I got in one of my old writing moods tonight (I don't get them too much during school....) and I just had to stay up and write this. So I thought I'd post it. I'll explain more of the background in a few days. For now, I'll just say that November has been the worst month of my life. This semester was difficult, but it was going well until about a month ago. Then everything I'd worked for came crashing down around me.

These past few weeks have been the hardest of my life. I have been humbled more than I ever wished to be. Humility doesn't come easily, especially when you struggle with pride as much as I do. In the middle of all the heartache, I just kind of collapsed. The past few weeks I’ve been sitting on the couch, with my lip eternally stuck out, pouting to God and hating the world. Why God? Why does life have to be so hard? Why can’t I just be in heaven with You? Why do I have to go through hardships?

Then I began to realize. What if Jesus had felt this way? He left heaven to suffer here on earth. I long for heaven, but I have never tasted its joys. Jesus knew all about heaven’s joys. He was the King of heaven, who came to be humiliated on earth. His entire life on earth was about suffering. Yet He did it for joy. “…who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame…” (Heb. 12:2) That is something I’m just now grasping: how our suffering actually can be for joy. The other day as I was listening to a song on the radio, I realized that my main problem with this whole situation is that I haven’t been focused on hope. What hope we have in Christ!! I have not experienced anything even close to what other people have experienced in the way of hardships. Compared to Job, I have lost nothing at all. Yet Job still fell down and worshipped his Creator. What a greater, more glorifying thing it would be if I were to take hold of God and hold on so, so tightly during my hard times.

I have realized that it is okay for me to not be okay. God gives us strength in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), and somehow He has designed it so that when we fade away to nothing, He is even more glorified. But it is not okay for me to sit and feel sorry for myself, to not read my Bible, and to sap the strength from all those around me. I need to get my strength from God alone. Yes it is okay to have Christians who share our burdens. That is what Christian community is all about. But it is wrong for me to rely on them more than God. And somehow in this weakness, I’ve gotten further from God rather than closer to Him. I’ve allowed myself to believe that since I was depressed, I didn’t need to read my Bible. That because I didn’t really feel like praying, it was okay to not pray. After all, other people are praying for me, right?! That should be enough. Surely God will understand. But why in the world would I not want to sit and pour my heart out to God? He is my best Friend, my Husband, and the only thing in the universe that matters. Oh my heart breaks to think of my complete weakness! I don’t even have to strength to cling to Him when I need Him the most. What a mighty God we serve, that He loves us in spite of our weaknesses.

One Life, Big Difference

2008-12-03T21:33:00.002-06:00

I found this at http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com. The story comes from the Billy Graham Library. What an amazing and encouraging story!!

Edward Kimble and the Shoe Salesman

It was July 1, 1885 when Edward Kimble felt the tugging of the Spirit to share his faith with a young shoe salesman he knew.

At first Kimble vacillated, unsure if he should talk to the man. But he finally mustered his courage and went into the shoe store. There Kimble found the salesman in the back room stocking shoes, and he began to share his faith with him.

As a result, the young shoe salesman prayed and received Jesus Christ that day. That shoe salesman's name was Dwight L. Moody, and he became the greatest evangelists of his generation.

But the story doesn't end there. Several years later a pastor and well-known author by the name of Frederick B. Meyer heard Moody preach. Meyer was so deeply stirred by Moody's preaching that he himself embarked on a far-reaching evangelistic ministry.

Once when Meyer was preaching, a college student named Wilbur Chapman accepted Christ as a result of his presentation of the gospel. Chapman later employed a baseball player to help him prepare to conduct an evangelistic crusade. That ballplayer, who later became a powerful evangelist himself, was Billy Sunday.

In 1924 a group of businessmen invited Billy Sunday to hold an evangelistic campaign in Charlotte, North Carolina, which resulted in many people coming to Christ. Out of that revival meeting a group of men formed a men's prayer group to pray for the world. They prayed for Charlotte to have another great revival.

God sent another evangelist named Mordecai Hamm. Hamm went to Charlotte in 1934 to hold a crusade. Ham's crusade went well, even though it did not have many converts. On one of the last nights under the big tent one tall, lanky young man walked up the aisle to receive Christ.

That man's name was Billy Graham.

Talk about a chain of events! And it all started with an ordinary Christian named Edward Kimble, who reached D.L. Moody, who reached Wilbur Chapman, who reached Billy Sunday, who reached Mordecai Ham, who reached Billy Graham.

Look at what God has done over these many years because of the faithfulness of one person.

Kiss the Son

2008-11-05T09:27:00.003-06:00

Yesterday's election was definitely disappointing. While I am not surprised that Obama won, I strongly disagree with Obama on a lot of issues and I think that a lot of his policies are going to be very damaging to this country. However, he is now our President-Elect. We must still respect him as such. As Christians, we are "to be submissive to rulers and authorities." (Titus 3:1) Obama does not need us to fight against him. What he needs is for us to pray for him. Please join me in praying that before it is too late, he will "kiss the Son."

Psalm 2

1 Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? 2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against his anointed, saying, 3 "Let us burst their bonds apart and cast away their cords from us." 4 He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision. 5 Then he will speak to them in his wrath, and terrify them in his fury, saying, 6 "As for me, I have set my King on Zion, my holy hill." 7 I will tell of the decree: The Lord said to me, "You are my Son; today I have begotten you. 8 Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage, and the ends of the earth your possession. 9 You shall break them with a rod of iron and dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel." 10 Now therefore, O kings, be wise; be warned, O rulers of the earth. 11 Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

World On Fire

2008-11-01T13:37:00.003-05:00

This is a video I first saw last year at the Collegiate Conference in Glorieta, New Mexico. My sister and I were talking about missions the other day, and we remembered this video. It is not put together by Christians, but it definitely emphasizes the principles that all Christians should live by. There are so many things that we can do to impact this world. We need to be willing to sacrifice the amazing recources that God has blessed us with. When I look just at all the possessions I have, things that I never use, I have to feel guilty when I remember those who have nothing. Just this morning at breakfast, my parents and I began talking about how wasteful we really are. Maybe it is time for us to take a step back and put our blessings to use for other people.

I have several friends on my college campus who are international students. The other day, I was helping two of my African friends study for their nursing exam. We started talking about the differences in health care in America versus the health care avaliable in their countries. In their countries, they said, people die quickly of diseases because there are no medicines avaliable. I told them that I want to be a nurse so that I can bring medicine to the people of the world that don't have any, and they both said, "Oh please, go to our countries and bring them medicines!"

Last week, I became really sick with a stomach virus and ended up in the hospital because I was so dehydrated. I was so thankful, though, to be able to get the care I needed! This is why I want to be a nurse. There are so, so many people who die everyday of diseases that are cureable with simple treatments! This video gives me such a passion for this world. There are so many needy people.

p.s. I'm sorry if you have this on a news feed and kept getting updates.... I had problems getting the video embedded right.

There is a Reason

2008-10-11T12:49:00.010-05:00

The other day I was driving in my car, and I just started to think about all the pain that exists in this world--the mothers who can't feed their own children, the people who don't know Jesus, the patients I've taken care of who had HIV and the little children who were in so much pain. I started to cry just thinking about all of it. This world has so much heartache.

But today I was listening to my MP3 player while studying, and this song came on. I've never really listened to the words before, but they were exactly what I needed to hear today. It's so amazing how true this is. I have been struggling with a few things lately, but I can honestly say that I have never been so close to Jesus as I am now. I love Him with my whole heart. I hope these words bless you as much as they did me.

I've seen hard times and I've been told
There isn't any wonder that I fall
Why do we suffer, crossing off the years
There must be a reason for it all

I've trusted in You, Jesus, to save me from my sin
Heaven is the place I call my home
But I keep on getting caught up in this world I'm living in
And Your voice it sometimes fades before I know

Hurtin' brings my heart to You, crying with my need
Depending on Your love to carry me
The love that shed His blood for all the world to see
This must be the reason for it all

Hurtin' brings my heart to You, a fortress in the storm
When what I wrap my heart around is gone
I give my heart so easily to the ruler of this world
When the One who loves me most will give me all

In all the things that cause me pain You give me eyes to see
I do believe but help my unbelief
I've seen hard times and I've been told
There is a reason for it all

~From Allison Krauss + Union Station Live

Living with Sincerity

2008-06-28T21:26:00.006-05:00

Sometimes in my walk with Christ, I find that the Holy Spirit emphasizes particular words or phrases. This week, the word that I keep thinking about is sincerity. I want so much to live my life sincerely in every part. I want nothing hidden from Him, and I want everything to be done all for His glory!!

2 Corinthians 11:3--But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

Ephesians 6:5--Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ.

Philippians 1:9-10--And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ.

At the Feet of Jesus

2008-06-20T15:47:00.011-05:00

At the feet of Jesus
I'm laying down my load
I cannot hope to keep
What I've been clutching anymore
I'm poured out like water on
A dry and barren land

Giving all that I've held dear

An offering You demand

All that You require
Is nothing left of me
An empty pitcher filled
With the beauty found in Thee
Peace that passes understanding
And joy that never ends
A life devoted to Thee, My Lord
Rejoicing with You as Friend

[Written after studying Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot, and 2 Samuel 23:13-17]

Lessons from the Disciples

2008-06-16T14:42:00.007-05:00

And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. Then Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ “But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” Peter answered him, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” And all the disciples said the same.

Yesterday, my pastor preached a sermon on this passage from Matthew 26:30-35. I was really struck by some of the things that he said. I thought that I would share some of my notes from the sermon:

Here the disciples were faced with the decision to deny Christ or be killed. We are all faced with times when we must stand up for Christ or deny Him. Later each one of the disciples died for their boldness in preaching the gospel of Christ. But here, ever single one of them falls away. V. 35—Every one of the disciples defended themselves and reassured themselves that they would never fall. They were genuinely sure that they would never turn away from Christ. They were relying on their own self-sufficiency rather than God. But they were about to fail the test. He was trying to teach them through this.

First of all, He wanted the disciples to see, you are insufficient to handle this trial. He reminded them of their weakness. He wanted them to realize their spiritual poverty, that they didn’t have enough on their own. [1 Cor. 10:12] He wanted them to realize their need of Him. Judas deliberately plotted to betray Christ. The other disciples weren’t deliberately planning to deny Christ, but they had to realize that you cannot be faithful to Christ without utterly depending on Him. Luke 22:31-34—Jesus knew that although His disciples would deny Him, their faith would not fail, because He had prayed for them (as He prays for us all).

Secondly, He wanted them to know that He loved them and would be gracious to them. John 21:4-19—In this passage, Jesus is talking with Peter on the beach, and proving his love for Him. Jesus asks Peter twice, “Do you [agape] love me?” And both times Peter answers, “Yes, Lord, I [pheilo] love You.” Agape is an overwhelming love, more than any other thing. Essentially, Jesus was asking Peter, “Do you love me more than anything else?” But Peter was saying, “Yes, Lord, I love you like a brother.” Finally Jesus asked, “Peter, do you [pheilo] love Me?” And Peter told Him, “You know me and my heart, and You know that I love You like a brother.” Peter was admitting this time that he didn’t have the love for Christ that he needed. He knew that he didn’t have the strength to love Christ like he should, but in that knowledge of his weakness, he was empowered by Christ to stand. Only 40 days later, as recorded in Acts chapter 2, Peter would stand for Christ in front of the very people who had crucified Him, and call for them all to repent.

I think that this passage really impacted me a lot, because I have been realizing the past few weeks just how insignificant and weak I really am. I don't have the strength to do anything on my own. But God has been daily reminding me, that through Him I have all the strength that I need. I just need to trust and rely on Him for that strength rather than trying to do it on my own. Without Him I am nothing. But through Christ, I have the strength to do all things.

The Beauty of Praha

2008-06-08T08:52:00.006-05:00

I am writing this from an apartment in Prague, Czech Republic [Praha, Ceska republika in Czech]. I've been here for almost a month, and I will be flying back home to the states on Thursday. It really makes me sad to think of leaving this place. I've really made so many good friends in my time here. I am going to miss the people here very much.

I still am not sure why I am here. I feel very certain that God wants me to be here for this time. When I was praying about coming, everything seemed to work out so perfectly. Every other time that I have prayed about taking a mission trip overseas, I have not been able to work out the details to go. Somehow God always stopped me. But for this trip, everything fell perfectly into place. And I just had such a peace about coming.

While I have been here, I have been staying with my cousins who are working here in the city. I have been helping them with things around the house, as well as working some in the mission office here. I have also gotten to hang out quite a bit with the English-speaking youth in Prague. I think that was probably what I've enjoyed most while I have been here. Those who don't know Christ seem to be really seeking, and the ones who do know Him have so many questions. I've had some really deep conversations with the youth here. I was also able to go to the English speaking youth group here (the only one in the city), called Youth Praha, and each time I went, I was able to talk to someone about God. There is always at least one teenager who seems to not know much about God, who is very curious to learn more. I don't know how much my talking with them helped, because they still seemed very confused. But I am praying for them, and I hope that somehow they will still keep coming and seeking Christian people to talk to. If I was going to be here for any length of time, I know that I would definitely want to get involved with Youth Praha.

I think for me, probably the biggest thing about this trip has just been the way that it has opened my eyes up to a different side of life. I really enjoyed living in Prague, learning to use the transportation system, and getting to know the people. I feel like I think about things differently now. I can't explain it, but I do know that something in the way I view things is different. I don't want to be limited to the American Way anymore. In fact, I think that I've realized how much Americans really are limited in the way they view things. I know that I am!! This trip has been really humbling for me, too. I've realized just how much I have left to learn. I've realized that I don't know much of anything. But it's really given me a hunger to learn those things. I don't want to be limited anymore. And I'm praying that I won't be satisfied anymore with staying in my little world, in my little comfort zone. God has begun to teach me so much. I have felt so close to Him in this time. He has been doing so much in my life the last few weeks, and I know He's just beginning. I don't know what He has in store for the next few years, but I know that He will be faithful and that I can trust Him to show me each step that I should take.

Babysitting Funnies....

2008-05-11T14:51:00.004-05:00

I babysit regularly for two little boys, Christian, who is 4, and Cohen, who is 1 1/2. There are so many funny things that happen when you are around little kids for any length of time. Last week when I was babysitting, Christian broke the tail off his rubber snake. ("I don't know how it happened!" he said. "I was just swinging him around and around and hitting his tail on the ground!") So of course, we had to set up a reptile clinic with his doctor kit and try to repair the snake. He said so many funny things while he was "doctoring" that I just had to write it all down.

Dr. Christian: Oh no!! His heart just stopped beeping!! Don't worry, Mr. Snake. I'm going to cut open your whole body with my saw cutters. You're going to die for a little while, but it won't hurt for long. I'll tape you back up again when I'm finished.

Me: Doctor, what's wrong with him?

Dr. Christian: Oh, he doesn't have a heart. I just heard it stop beeping.

Me: (trying not to laugh because I've already gotten in trouble for that...) Is that bad?

Dr. Christian: Oh, no. He'll be just fine.

After we finished with the "surgery", Christian pretended to pour some pain medicine for the snake. Then he pretended to take the medicine. I asked him, "Christian, wasn't that supposed to be for Mr. Snake?" "It doesn't matter," he said. "I just poured some more for him." I couldn't help thinking that hospitals would be quite a different place if all the doctors were four years old.....

Unselfish Sportsmanship

2008-05-03T13:44:00.004-05:00

I don't usually keep track of much in the sports world, but I really loved reading this article: http://msn.foxsports.com/olympics/story/8091708?MSNHPHCP&GT1=39002
Sara Tucholsky did her best, but she just couldn't finish her home run after she hurt her knee tagging first base. The home run wouldn't have counted because according to the rules her teammates couldn't help her, but the opposing team gave up their own spot in the playoffs to help her score her home run. Two girls from the opposite team picked her up and carried her around the bases.

The Sweet Sacrifice of Surrender

2008-04-22T14:32:00.006-05:00

Yesterday in our leadership meeting with the BCM, my friend Cindy said something that really convicted me. She said, "I just know that wherever I am and however long I live, my life will be poured out for the glory of God." I almost started crying when she said that. Ever since high school, that is the way that I have also felt. But this past year of college, particularly this past semester, has been extremely difficult for me. I know I wouldn't have gotten through without the grace of God.

I started to feel sorry for myself. And I think that in my pity party, I forgot the beauty of a life lived for Him. I lost track of what it meant to live completely with my eyes focused on God's glory. It seems that the "theme" of this year for me has been sacrifice. Everything I do seems hard, and I almost feel like God is telling me, "This is just practice for what is to come". That has been so difficult for me. I don't want to sacrifice. My flesh doesn't want to give up. But I know that I have to. Jesus calls us to come and carry our crosses. We are to do the hard things, go to the hard places. And I have felt for years now that He is calling me to some very hard places.

When I was in high school, I struggled with things that seemed big to me at the time, but when I look back I see that they were just small struggles--getting over a crush, deciding where to go to college, and making small sacrifices. Yet I think that those small struggles have helped to prepare me for the greater struggles. I don't want to fight. My flesh is weak, and I would rather give in. But I have seen God be faithful in so many small things, and I know that He will continue to lead me in the big things as well. I don't know where He is leading me, but I know that I must follow His call to come and die to myself.

Thanks, Cindy, for helping me remember that! :)

I'm going on Missions!!

2008-04-08T12:03:00.009-05:00

Since the beginning of this year, I have been making plans to go to the Czech Republic this summer. My cousins have been working as missionaries there since January, and I am going to stay with them for a month and help them out with things. I'm going to be working some in the office there as well as helping them with things around the house, taking care of their kids, or whatever else they need. I think I finally have most everything finally settled. I will be leaving really soon (depending on ticket prices for the best date) and I will be there for a month. I can't wait!! :)

On a completely random note, this morning I was looking at some cooking websites, and I have so many things I wish I could try. I wish I had the time to cook more!! I babysit at least once a week for a family with two kids, and once the kids are down for their naps or in bed for the night I am always "creating" something in the kitchen. I don't usually get time to eat anything until they are asleep, and then eating just a plain ol' sandwich is so boring. I'd much rather create something interesting out of the leftovers!! ;)

...but Joy comes in the morning....

2008-04-04T13:00:00.002-05:00

My teacher ended up deciding that the test was too hard, and she threw out some of the questions. I ended up with a 79! Not as high as I would have liked, but definitely a good grade for such a hard test. :)

Foundation Building

2008-04-01T10:10:00.005-05:00

So, yesterday was a pretty bad day. There are so many times I can honestly say that I hate nursing school. Yesterday was probably one of those days. I just tried to not think about it, though. I've been studying for probably 3 weeks for a test over everything to do with the Cardiac system--bypass surgeries, hypertension, cardiomyopathy, valve disorders, interpreting EKGs, etc. I've heard about this test for years now. It is supposed to be one of the hardest tests in all of nursing school. So when we first started the lectures on the cardiac system, I started studying almost immediately. But yesterday, I made a 73 on the test. That's a D. *sigh* I still have an 82 in the class, a C, so I'm hoping I can bring my grade back up to the B I had before. I'm just really disappointed that even though I studied so hard I ended up with such a low grade. I think that was probably the average grade in the class. I asked pretty much everyone what they ended up with, and the highest grade I heard of was an 86, which is a really low B.

We had all of spring break to study. I even skipped out on a mission trip that I wanted to go on more than anything else. But I don't think I have ever felt as depressed or lonely as I did last week. I just completely felt like there was nothing left of me. I would sit down to study, and I couldn't really focus at all. I called Mrs. Polly (the awesome lady who disciples me!) and asked for her to meet with me. We sat and talked for a really long time, and I felt so much better for it. I told her that I really feel upset because I feel like what I am called to do right now (nursing school) is pulling me away from the things I want to be doing to serve God. I don't see how it could be better to have to stay home and study than go on a missions trip. How could that be serving God more? Yet I believe that God always places us where we need to be to glorify Him the most. So somehow, this is how God has me serving Him.

Mrs. Polly said that she has realized in her life that the things we want to serve God with the most, God often takes away from us for a time so that we will want them with all of our hearts. Through this, when I am finally on the mission field, I will be able to look back at this time and remember just how much I struggled during this time, longing to serve God. So this is a strengthening time for me. As much as I would like for it to be over with, this time in my life is vital. Because, as Mrs. Polly told me, God doesn't build with cracked foundations. He has to make us whole first.

Roses and Encouragment

2008-03-27T16:21:00.007-05:00

Encouragement. What is it that is so difficult about encouragement? When there are so many hurting people around us, why is it so much easier to just look the other way? Scripture says that we are to "encourage one another and build one another up" and "encourage the fainthearted" (1 Thessalonians 5:11,14).

One time when I was standing in the checkout line of the store with some roses in my hand, I noticed a little elderly lady in front of me. She looked so lonely and sad. I felt as if God were telling me, "Give her a rose." "But Lord, I don't even know her!" I thought. "It doesn't matter. Just give her a rose." I suddenly thought of Matthew 35:40, "...as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." After I had finished checking out, I walked quickly, catching up with her on my way to the door. As I passed her, I reached out and laid a rose in the top of her cart. Her smile stayed with me for the rest of the day. I have rarely given a gift that felt as rewarding as that simple rose.

As I began to think about it all later that day, I realized, I want my life to be about giving roses. I want to be known as a woman who serves others unconditionally. Just the other day I was talking to a friend of mine about serving others, he mentioned the servant heart that one of our friend's has. He said, "She is so amazing! She is always giving to others. That is what her whole life is about--giving to others!" I thought that was probably the biggest complement that anyone could receive. A life given to serving others is a beautiful gift.

Scripture says that Christians are known by their love for one another. So often, God has revealed Himself to me through the small things. I wish that I listened to His promptings more often. Sometimes, I think that it's really the little things in life that make the biggest impact.

Emptiness

2008-03-25T20:18:00.004-05:00

This heart of mine is opened wide
I'm torn apart and weak inside
What went wrong? what should I do?
Thought I was strong, thought I knew

From nowhere came...emptiness
I only saw its great abyss
It overwhelmed my coward's heart
Destroying peace and bringing dark

Yet as I cry, I feel His arms;
He's holding me, and whispering,
"Trust in Me; My plan's not through;
Just wait and see what's planned for you."

Suddenly, His peace surrounds
It's in my heart and all around
Joy within a barren soul
My Savior comes and makes me whole.

The Hindrance of Distraction

2008-03-22T22:49:00.005-05:00

I thought I would share some of my reflections from my Bible study today:

Matthew 16:21--From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. 22 And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” 23 But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance [or in some translations, stumbling block] to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this passage read, but it really impacted me when I sat down and just thought about it for a while. I've never reallly considered the fact that I can actually be a hidrance to Christ and His work, just by not focusing on the things of God. There are so many times when I take my eyes off of God and get caught up with the busyness of life around me. This life, even ministry and trying to do all of the "good things" can be such a distraction from what we should really be focused on. I wonder if Jesus could ever say to me that I have been a hindrance to His work? I pray not, and I pray that He will never be able to say that!! Lord, help me focus on You and the things of God.

These are the very next verses:
24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what shall a man give in return for his life? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done."

One Night with the King

2008-01-03T22:22:00.001-06:00

Several months ago we got together with some other women and girls from our church for a "girls night out". We rented One Night with the King, popped some popcorn, and settled in to enjoy the show.

We had a wonderful time watching this movie. The story of Esther has always been my favorite Bible story, and I think that this movie was very well made. The storyline in the movie did differ slightly from the Biblical account, but I don't think that there were a lot of significant changes. The only complaint I had was that I found the plot a bit confusing at times. There was a lot of conspiracy involved in the storyline, and I found that some if it was difficult to follow.

However, I really appreciated the way that Esther's faith was made clear in the movie. The film makers did an excellent job of showing what a truly courageous woman she was, yet made it clear that her courage came from God. In the movie she compared herself to David when he fought Goliath. She knew that just as David was able to kill Goliath through God's power, that only through God's power would she be able to safely appear before her king. The scene where she enters the throne room uninvited is the most powerful scene in the entire movie. It wonderfully displays the remarkable courage that Esther had, and shows just how much she trusted her Maker, yet still showed respect for her husband.

This past semester, my sister, best friend, and I led a Bible study on our college campus studying Esther. One of the things that we most noticed about Esther was her submissive heart. Throughout the entire book, Esther is humble and obedient to God’s plan. Wherever she went, God rewarded her obedience with His favor and caused her to be blessed (Esther 2:9).

How much have I relied upon Christ for my strength? Not as much as Esther, I know. I wonder if I put my whole trust in God’s hands and relied on Him for my strength as Esther did, how much God could accomplish through me. The whole key is submission, and being willing to lay down my own life for the King.

Passion

2007-09-17T15:23:00.000-05:00

Give me passion
I want to burn for You
Give me desire
I need to be consumed

Why is it that I feel
Nothing inside
When I want so much
To feel so alive
Oh, I want to live for You

I want to burn, to feel the fire
Blazing, consuming my soul
Give me a zeal and love for You
That cannot be controlled

Six Years Ago Today

2007-09-12T00:11:00.000-05:00

Wow. Was 9/11 really six years ago? It doesn't seem like it could have been that long ago. I still remember sitting horrified in the living room watching the news. When the first tower fell, I remember hugging Mom and crying; all I could say was, "All those people." It still makes me shiver to think about it. When the second tower fell, we turned the TV off. We couldn't watch anymore.

I can't help thinking that I hope that we never has to see anything that horrible again. But I never find anything in the Bible that says that we will have an easy life. Here is what Scripture says:

Romans 8:18, 31-32, 35-39--For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us....What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?....Who shall separate us for the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: "For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter." Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor power, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 18:16-19--He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy. From those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 27:1-6--The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, my enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell. Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war should rise against me, in this I will be confident. One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. 5 For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock. 6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

I Corinthinans 15:54-57--So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." "O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?" The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Bayou Bell Ringers

2007-07-20T00:00:00.001-05:00

Note: If you tried to click on the link for the Bell Ringers' website, I made a mistake when originally typing the address, but I fixed it and the link now works.
I've been wanting to post something for a while about one of my favorite organizations: the Bayou Bell Ringers, a handbell choir for the disabled. This organization is very dear to my heart because I volunteered with them as a student worker for over 6 years, and I still help out as frequently as I can. My family is very close to the director's family. Mr. Aaron (the director) is one of the most talented men that I have ever met. The arrangements that he creates never fail to amaze me!

My twin sister, my best friend, and I started volunteering about 6 or 7 years ago. Originally, our job as student workers was to play the part of any bell ringer that was unable to come to practice and keep the part for them. Thus the name for us student volunteers became the "Bell Keepers.” As the group grew, though, our jobs became more and more complex. Now, as well as playing the parts of missing bell ringers, the bell keepers play parts that are too difficult or complicated for the disabled members to play, help bell ringers to learn their parts, and handle bell changes. Essentially, the job of a bell keeper now is to make sure that everything is running smoothly and on time, especially at performances.

I miss working with the Bell Ringers so much. The people in that group became almost like my second family. I love each and every one of them so much. They are definitely very special people. It is truly amazing to watch how much they grow and change through being in the choir. I have seen this organization help so many people. For a lot of them, the highlight of their week is the days when they practice. Many of the members were very socially withdrawn before they joined the choir, and it is amazing to see how much this group has helped them come out of their shells! They all love to play, and they just live for praise.

The group consists of about 30 members ranging in age from about 12 to 60. Each member usually has from one to four regularly assigned bells, but every song has a slightly different setup for the bells. Often if a ringer can’t handle playing all of his parts on a particular song, one of his bells will be given to someone else for just that song. Since the group has nearly 200 bells, there always is a lot of moving and changing of bells before and after every song.

There is a wide range of disabilities in the group. Two of the bell ringers can’t do much more than control the movement of one or two of their fingers. A local inventor, however, developed machines that allow them to ring along with everyone else by simply pressing a button. Other ringers are blind, but they wear little sensors on their legs that tap them when they need to play.

Because the members can’t read music, Mr. Aaron, who is a music therapist, has developed an original hand signaling technique with a different signal for each chord. There are at least 300 different signals! It takes a while to learn all of them, but Mr. Aaron has always impressed me with his patience in handling the members. He is so very good with them. The very fact of there being so many different signals is actually wonderful therapy, especially when that is incorporated with the dexterity that is necessary for ringing the bells. It strengthens the ringers’ memory as well as their fine motor skills. One of the bell ringers who has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair was unable to do anything more than press a huge button when she first joined the choir. As her fine motor skills progressed, though, she has gradually become able to press many small buttons as well as maneuver several tiny switches.

Although I am too busy with my college courses now to do much with the Bayou Bell Ringers any more, I still love to help out whenever I can. My dad is the sound manager for the group, and my younger sister has been a bell keeper for about a year or so now. I think that everyone should have a chance to hear the Bell Ringers perform at least once. It never ceases to amaze me what the Lord has been able to accomplish through Mr. Aaron's willingness to help these people! I have learned so much through working with the bell ringers. I know that they always tell me that I have been a blessing to them, but I know that they have blessed my life with much, much more than I could have ever given them.

Nursing school

2007-06-24T20:23:00.001-05:00

I haven’t posted on here in quite a while because I have been so very busy. But when I realized tonight that I hadn’t officially posted my big news, I had to correct that right away! I was officially accepted to nursing school last month!!!! YAY!! ;) After a year of hard work of prerequisites, I am so happy to say that I am officially a NURSING STUDENT!!

This summer I am taking two summer classes as well as working 20-30 hours a week. When you add that to my hour-long (each way) commute every day, I really don’t have any extra time for blogger. So I probably won’t be posting much until sometime late next month. I have several posts that I am working on, but I just don’t have time to finish them. Right now, though, I had better get back to studying. I am sitting here typing this with my Biochemistry stuff spread out all over the table in front of me. I have a horribly huge test tomorrow…

Changes

2007-05-15T16:07:00.000-05:00

It's really amazing how God can change our plans so very quickly. I thought that I had everything planned out, but with just a little touch of His hand, He set all of my well-laid plans to spinning. This last year I just knew that this summer would be spent out on the mission field. I thought that God would be using me to assist in an orphanage in Bolivia or that I would be somewhere else that He sent me. I didn't know exactly what I was going to be doing, but I knew that this summer would be different from last summer. I definitely wouldn't be applying at that little hardware store again! And yet today I will be calling up my old boss, once again requesting a position in the very job that I vowed I would never take again.

I had so many wonderful plans for this summer. Even if I couldn't go overseas, I was certain that I could find a great job at a hospital. But when I did, I the hours were horrible, and I felt God telling me to turn it down. But I feel that although it won't be what I had planned, this summer will be wonderful because I will be following God's plan. I have to come to realize that even if I can't spend my summer ministering overseas, I must still use it for God. There are the street kids who need someone to love them, the Christians that I can encourage at school, and the people I can witness to at work. Wherever I am, my life must be God's. And I will use it, in every moment, to glorify Him.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

2007-05-08T23:11:00.001-05:00

I have been so busy with everything right now that I haven’t had any time to post. I will be officially finished with all of my finals on Thursday afternoon, though, and then I don’t have any more classes until my summer classes start in June. Yay! J I have 4 weddings (plus several showers) to go to between now and then, so that should occupy most of my time. Next Thursday or Friday, Emily and Carly and I will be driving up for one of our closest friend’s wedding next Saturday. Carly is a bridesmaid, so we have to be up there early. I’m looking soo forward to it!! I’ll probably post some pictures after everything is all over. Well, I have an A&P final at 8:00 tomorrow morning that I have got to (begin to…) study for….so I guess I really need to get off the computer for now!

Grasping Eternity

2007-03-29T19:25:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks, our pastor has been doing a series of sermons on 1 Timothy 6:11-14. I have been especially convicted through his preaching on verse 12, which says, "...Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called..." For me, eternal life is often just something that I know about, but it really just stays in the back of my mind. I don’t often live in the light of eternity. But what if I were to follow this teaching and really take hold of eternal life? There is so much more to life then just the small trials that we experience each day. We have to look at our lives as God sees them, and understand the big picture. Each moment that He has given us is for us to live for His glory and for His eternal purpose.

I tend to get so bogged down in the little things, and I think I often lose sight of what is really important. God has reminded me so many times this week to think on how things really matter in the light of eternity. How I face the day, the attitude I have, and the way that I go about my tasks are so much more important then the actual tasks that I am completing. This week I have come to realize how important it is to always remind myself of the calling that God has placed on my life. Frequently, I need to re-evaluate whether I have my eyes set on eternity or on the trivial things of life. The little trials seem so much easier to bear when I look at them with the right perspective.

For me, this means not getting caught up in the busyness and stress of my school schedule. Instead, I remind myself why I am doing what I am doing. I feel very strongly that God has called me to be in nursing school. I am very interested in medical missions, and I really think that God is calling me to work (at least short-term) in this area. When I remind myself of this, I find that my schedule it doesn't seem nearly as stressful. I actually spend more time working on building relationships then getting good grades. While grades are important, I feel that my family should come first. College is such a short season of life, but relationships last for a lifetime. Who knows what a difference I may make by taking the time to actually show the people around me how much I care for them?

When I set my eyes on the goal of glorifying God and spreading His Word through my life, I find that my little trials actually seem rewarding. I know that it is all going to be worth it in the end. Whatever He has in store for me, I know that God has a wonderful plan for my life, and that I can trust Him with it.

Not Again...

2007-03-20T20:04:00.000-05:00

Our filter let me access my blog for one day. Now it’s not working again, so I guess I’ll just have to try posting through e-mail now. I was about to post an article on One Night with the King, which we watched a few weeks ago, but I saved the draft on the blog, so I can’t get to it right now. It is so aggravating….!

Yay!!

2007-03-19T20:52:00.000-05:00

I figured out how to log in without accessing the Blogger website... that means I think that I can post again! Finally!!!

School is going really well right now. It is very stressful, but I am so interested in the things we are learning right now. I had a huge test today in my Anatomy and Physiology class, and I was extremely stressed out about it. But I got up about 4:45 this morning to study for it, and I think that I did really well. While I was taking the test, I actually had fun; I kept thinking, "Wow. This stuff is so interesting!!" What I love learning about the most is all the clinical applications. I just love being able to apply what I learn. These past few weeks I've been learning about shock, collapsed lungs, high blood pressure, and a lot of other things that I'll use so much in my nursing school. It is so interesting!

I applied for nursing school about a week ago. I think that I should be able to get in. It is extremely competitive, but I had a 4.0 last semester and I think I'll have at least a 3.6 this semester. I'll just trust God and do my best!

Arggghh....

2007-03-13T14:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know how often I'll be able to post because our filter is now blocking Blogger. I can get on it at school, but when I'm there I usually don't have a good opportunity to post anything. So anyway, we are working with our filtering company to try to sort things out so that I can get on here again from my computer. I hope it's soon! It's getting very aggravating!

Safe in the Arms of Jesus

2007-02-24T23:41:00.000-06:00

Taylor Dardar, Sonny and Cassie's 18-day old son, passed away this evening at about 5:30. He is no longer in any pain, and his broken little body is perfectly healed in heaven. Right now he is in the arms of Jesus. I cannot express how brokenhearted we feel for his family. In the e-mail he sent tonight, Sonny quoted Jeremiah 29:11-- "for I know the plans that I have for you saith the Lord." God has a perfect plan in all of this, even if we might not know what it is right now. Please just keep them in your prayers.

Psalm 34:18 ~The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 73:23-26 ~Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 63:7-8 ~For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 3:-5 ~But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill. Selah. I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

Prayer for Baby Taylor

2007-02-20T22:54:00.000-06:00

Note: See update at bottom of post

I wanted to post really quickly and ask that everyone be praying for Sonny and Cassie Dardar and their little baby Taylor. Cassie delivered twins about a week and a half ago: two boys, named Sean and Taylor. Sean is perfectly healthy, but Taylor's heart stopped beating at birth for about 30 minutes. A few days ago, the doctors took him off of life support, expecting that he wouldn't live long. However, he continued breathing on his own and (as far as I know) is still off of the life support. But his brain was severely damaged when his heart stopped beating for so long, and the doctors are telling Sonny and Cassie that he will never walk, talk, see, hear, or respond. They say that if his heart stops again, they will not try to resuscitate him.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is on the Dardar family. It breaks my heart to think of it. We have all cried for their family so, so much. Please be praying for them!

Sonny is one of the members of the Christian band Broken Vessels. We know the Dardars because our good friend Jace Verdin (whom several of y'all have met) is the bass player for the group.

UPDATE: "He has been breathing on his own since Tuesday 2/13/07. His brain is still swollen. His liver and kidney are still not functioning properly. They attempted to feed him again yesterday but his stomach did not tolerate it. The doctors have said that Taylor's prognosis is "poor". However, they have stated that his labs have been surprisingly stable the past few days. It is a day to day evaluation. We have been blessed to be able to love Taylor, sing to him, read to him, and pray with him. As long as the Lord gives him breath we're going to go to the NICU and love him! We're praying for God's healing in Taylor's body. The doctor has said that if/when he is able to tolerate food that we will have more options available." This is from an e-mail sent on February 22 by Sonny Dardar.

Spring Dreams

2007-02-18T18:40:00.001-06:00

Every year, I just love it when the azaleas bloom. For me, it always marks the start of spring. Walking around campus the past week, I have seen azalea bushes everywhere that are just bursting with buds. Our azalea bushes, however, don't seem to think that it is spring quite as soon as all the other bushes. I don't know why, except that maybe it is because they get so much shade where we have planted them. But today when I walked around corner of the house, I saw a bunch of beautiful pink buds. The bushes aren't in full bloom yet, but I know that spring will be here soon! I picked as many as I could and arranged them in a bowl. I can't wait for the hawthorn bushes to bloom. The white blooms look beautiful when arranged with the azaleas.

I also checked on my Spanish irises while I was in the garden, and I think I felt the beginnings of some buds deep in the stems. I hope that they bloom this year! I haven't had much success with them the past few years, but they seem much healthier this year then they have before. So hopefully in about a month, we'll be enjoying irises as well! I just love irises. They are so brilliant, yet so delicate. Even though they live for such a short time, they are still some of my favorite flowers.

This time of year always makes me so happy. I feel like I just have to escape outside to breath in spring. It always make me want to get my hands in the garden and plant things. I wish that I had time for that. Sometimes I feel like the beauty outside is almost calling to me!

New Guinea

2007-02-17T20:18:00.000-06:00

My friend Carly left early yesterday morning to go to Paupa New Guinea for 3 1/2 weeks. She is going on a mission trip with David Sitton. I miss her already!

Lord, give them a safe trip and bless their efforts to reach out to the New Guinea natives. Help Carly to not miss all of us too much, but to focus on the work that she is doing and find joy in serving You. Most of all, may they bring glory to Your name in everything that they do, and may the New Guinea people see what a mighty God You are. Help them to have safety on this trip, and may those going on the trip draw even closer to You through this.

Carly in New Guinea last February

CAMP!! :)

2007-02-08T22:35:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow Emily and I will be leaving straight from school to go to the Bentley camp. I can't wait! We won't get back until Sunday night. I heard that there will be a bunch of new people coming down from Kirksville. I hope that there are some of them that are around our age. It would be really neat to have a bunch of young people about our age there again. We haven't had a big group of us for a while now. It is so wonderful to be able to have a chance to fellowship with everyone. And the sermons are always wonderful! I just can't wait. Tomorrow I only have to take a test and sit through A&P II, then we can leave!! yay! ;-)

I love piano! :)

2007-02-04T22:01:00.001-06:00

Oh, I just love to play the piano! It always makes me feel so much better. I was getting really stressed out about school and so I took a few minutes to go play (after eating some strawberry shortcake...;)), and I feel so happy right now! It's fun to just bang around with a fun song and then to play something so beautiful it can make you almost cry while playing it. I just got finished playing a bunch of different pieces, but I think that my favorite that I just played was "Doctor Gradus ad Parnassum" by Debussy. It's from his Children's Corner Suite. It's a really weird name, but an absolute delight to play!! :) It is a very happy song.

Playing the piano is my way of letting everything out. I love to play whenever I need to express my emotions. A lot of times I'm just itching to play! Mostly I love to play beautiful, expressive pieces, but I also like fun pieces like "Golliwog's Cakewalk" or "Pampillion (Butterfly)". One composer that I like that isn't very popular anymore is Edvard Grieg. My piano teacher used to have a huge book that was a collection of his pieces, and I borrowed it from her as often as I could. Most of his pieces are extremely challenging (a lot of them are on the level of Liszt with lots of runs and stretches and 32nd or even 64th notes), but I found quite a few that I could play. He wrote "In the Hall of the Mountain King", which always reminded me of the part in The Hobbit where Bilbo and the dwarfs are captured by the goblins and taken deep into the mountain. It seems as if you can almost hear the goblins marching around in that piece! I haven't played it in years, but it was one of my favorite pieces to play when I was about 13 or 14. I really should see if I can find some good Grieg music again. I haven't played any of his pieces since my piano teacher moved 2 or 3 years ago.

Well I'd better get to bed. I am in a mood where I really could talk about music all night, but I have class tomorrow and I need to get some sleep. I'm sorry to anyone who read this and was completely bored by it!! hehe! I guess when you have over 10 years worth of pieces stored up in your brain you have to let it out sometime... ;)

sigh....school again....

2007-02-03T10:38:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I think that its going to be a lonnng four years until I become a nurse.... I hate having to stay behind and study when everyone else is having fun. I am hoping that I can finish this assignment (that I don't understand at all because my teacher never explained it--just assigned and said "Oh, it's due next Wednesday") this morning so I can go watch a movie with Carly this afternoon. She's going to be leaving for a whole month to go to Papua New Guinea in just a week, and I haven't had a chance to hang out with her in forever. But I have so much stuff to do.... *sigh*

Conferences and schedules

2007-02-02T22:33:00.000-06:00

Emily went to the CEC conference with the BCM today. I felt kind of weird not going, since we usually do everything together. I hope she has fun though. I had to stay home and study. :( I also think that my immune system is still a little bit weak from being so sick with pnuemonia, and I was afraid that if I went and stayed up late every night I would come home coughing and wheezing again. I can't get sick again. I have way too much stuff to do. So, I made the decision that I needed to stay home and rest and study. I felt really weird being the only person in the BCM that wasn't going to the conference. Pretty much every conversation I had went something like this: [Me] "I hope that you have fun on the trip!" [Other person] "But you are coming, right?" [Me] "No, I just can't make it this time." [O.P.] "You're not!? You're just joking, right?" [Me] "No, I'm really serious. I can't come!" [O.P] "WHY?"
And so I felt pretty small by the time I finally ended up leaving the BCM.... Oh, well. I would imagine that they probably got over their tears by now and are rocking out to the concert that is supposed to start any minute. lol! ;-)

I have two tests next week and three or four the next, so I have a lot coming up. I am a little bit nervous about my tests in two weeks, because I have my first exams in both A&P II and Micro. I'm sure they will be hard. I think that if I study some this weekend and a little bit all next week that I'll be okay. The only thing that really worries me is that I won't have any chance to study next weekend because we will be going to the Bentley camp, and both of my hard tests are within two days of our getting back. But I'll just pray that God will help me remember all of the material. I probably should stay home from camp, but I just can't. Camp is like my spiritual oasis, and I need that. I feel like I'm so hungry to hear God's Word preached right now, and I think that for my spiritual growth I really need to go.

Well, I'd better get to bed. I've got to get up early and get studying tomorrow!!

Pictures

2007-02-01T21:19:00.000-06:00

I have to post a picture before I can add it to my profile, so while I was at it I thought that I would add a few of the pictures we took last year for graduation. Hope you like them!

random thoughts

2007-02-01T20:33:00.000-06:00

That last post was kinda just to test the whole thing out... This is pretty cool, actually. :)

I have been so busy with school lately. This semester I am taking A&P II (both the lab and the lecture), Microbiology, Sociology, Psychology, and Dietetics. So I'm pretty busy. I really like my A&P teacher this semester. She's much better than Dr. Nelson, who taught A&P I last semester. She actually seems enthusiastic about her lectures, not bored like Dr. Nelson was. It makes it a lot more interesting when the professor actually seems interested.

I think that God is giving me a chance to witness to a girl from school. I don't have any classes with her this semester, but she and I have the same teacher for psychology. I met her last semester in one of my classes. She is married and has two kids, but I think that she's probably only about 2 years older than me. Last week we exchanged phone numbers so that we could call each other about our classes. She has called me a lot since then, and she loves to talk about her problems. I really don't know what to tell her. She seems very disfunctional. She is bipolar, and one of her main issues seems to be anger. She is always describing for me how she is going to get revenge on people. It's really sad. But I really don't know what I should say. I'm just praying that God gives me an opportunity to witness to her. She doesn't seem to know anything about His love.

I am applying for a job at the hospital tomorrow. I really have no idea what kind of job I will get or if they will even hire me, but I really need the money. I can only work for about 12 hours a week, though. I am going to try to get in touch with the head RN tomorrow. I just want to be able to talk to her and explain everything to her and see if she would be able to put me somewhere. I'm really not certified to do any medical care until I start my nursing clinical classes next semester, but I think that it would be really great to get the hospital experience. I was talking to one of my nursing school friends today who is already in clinicals, and she said that if possible, I really need to try to learn how to do some basic care things (changing sheets, bathing, etc.) before I start clincals. So I really don't know what I'll be doing if I get hired. I was originally thinking office work, but if I could get some healthcare experience, that would be great too.

Hellooo...

2007-02-01T20:26:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I'll be able to keep this up, but it looks like it might be fun. So, I'll try to post occasionally!