Monday, February 2, 2009

Studies in Grace

My nursing classes are really keeping me busy, so I don't know how much I will be able to post on here. But at least they are going better this semester.

Last semester was the worst semester I have ever experienced. My nursing teacher gave me a "D" in the class for almost making a few mistakes on the last day of clinicals. [It is difficult to explain her reasoning unless you understand nursing. Some nurses have one method of doing things, and others have another method. I did things by a method taught to me by other nurses. My teacher doesn't like that method however, so she is making me repeat the semester.] I--and every nursing student/nurse I have talked to (except my instructor and the nursing director)--feel that the reasons my teacher gave me an "unsatisfactory" grade were not sufficient grounds for failure. So I have really been struggling with accepting her decision. I feel like I don't deserve to go through the things I have been through with this. I am a good student; I was doing well in the class before. The remaining three weeks of that class last semester seemed to me like living in a nightmare. It only happened before in my worst dreams that I would ever even come close to failing a nursing class. Why would God let something like that happen to me? It was humbling to a point I had never been humbled before. All of my self-assurance was stripped away, and I could only cling to God. I know now that I will never get through nursing school without Him. If I fail again, I am not allowed back into the nursing program.

It is not like I was trying before to do it without Him, but I didn't know what it meant to have to completely rely upon His grace. "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (I Corinthians 12:9) Without Him, I am nothing. Sometimes I tend to forget that, and try to do it all in my own power.

In addition to all of the school struggles, I have been really struggling to overcome a lot of physical weaknesses lately. Over the past few months I have been sick with sinus infections, pneumonia, and (almost daily) severe headaches (which is terrible, as any nursing student will understand, because I can't study with these headaches!). So I am really nothing but weak! I know that when pass through these trials with victory, it will be only because of His marvelous grace.

However, last Friday I made a 98 on my nursing exam--which covered the very material my teacher failed me for! I still have a year of nursing school left, but I know that with His grace I can make it through it. But without Him, I will certainly fall.

Through all of this, I feel that the Lord has been opening up my heart to new things I have never known. He is leading me every step of the way, and I can say with confidence that I have never felt so content in my life. I have no idea where He is leading me, but I can feel that each step I take is a sure step as He is guiding me.

Lamentations 3:22-23~"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."