Life Lessons

Life doesn't always go how we plan does it? I certainly didn't plan to be a newlywed bride with a badly broken leg. I broke it August 21st, after we'd been married only 3 weeks. After waiting almost two weeks for surgery, I'm now at home, laid up for many more weeks, and unable to do much of anything. So much for keeping my house spotless or any of the painting projects I had planned! I won't be able to put any weight on this leg until around the first of November. After that I will have weeks of therapy, stretching it out and re-learning how to use it. And I can't even think about working until at least mid-December.

So I have had to re-evaluate my plans, laying it all in the Lord's hands instead of mine. I am a newly-graduated Registered Nurse, who can't work. And I'm a new wife, who can't take care of her husband or her house. What does this mean for me? Only a few days after I broke my leg, I remember crying on Will’s shoulder, asking him, "How I can I possibly be a good wife now? I can’t even do anything around the house or for you." He seemed shocked that I would even wonder that. But for so much of my life, I've measured my devotion and service for God by how hard I work. I've always thought that the best way to show God (and others) my love is by hard work. After all there are a lot of verses about not being lazy!! I guess I carried some of that thought over to marriage, too. I always thought that the Proverbs 31 woman was an excellent wife because of how hard she worked for her family. But now that I can't clean house or cook meals or wash the laundry, I’m finally beginning to see just how skewed my view of things really has been.

So I have been re-looking at Proverbs 31 and learning how to apply it in light of my current circumstances. The Proverbs 31 woman is called “virtuous.” According to Matthew Henry, this “…is a woman of spirit, who has the command of her own spirit and knows how to manage other people’s, one that is pious and industrious, and a help meet for a man…. [and] is a woman of resolution, who, having espoused good principles, is firm and steady to them, and will not be frightened with winds and clouds from any part of her duty.” So in other words, a virtuous woman is much more than just hard working. She is a woman of wisdom and discernment, who stands with strength. One of the biggest things I see when I read this passage is that this woman has a heart open to the Lord’s leading. She follows His commands and guidance, allowing Him to lead her in all things. That is where her strength and wisdom comes from! Her excellence comes from her fear of the Lord; and all of her virtuous characteristics flow from this.

While I'm laying here with my leg propped up, I've had a lot of time to think. I know that the Lord is using this time to draw me closer to Him. Right now, there is nothing for me to do but to be still and listen to the Lord. I don’t know why it is, but it seems that all the hard circumstances I have gone through, my first reaction is to pull away from the Lord, rather than draw near to Him. I hide away inside myself or in the comfort of friends, rather than go to the Comforter and Healer of all. Quickly I begin to see what a mistake that is, though. No one can bring joy or peace or comfort like the Lord. “The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him” (Psalm 37:39-40). What a wonderful refuge He is!!

So what am I doing with my days now? I am knitting blankets for a crisis pregnancy center, managing our finances, trying to keep the house in order, finally writing wedding thank-you notes, knitting blankets (planning to give them to a friend who's church knits blankets for a crisis pregnancy center) and learning more about different ministries I am interested in. But mostly, I am sitting at the feet of Jesus, and learning from Him.

Thoughts of God and Heaven

I was out of town this past week attending a mini conference and visiting with good friends. It was such a wonderful time of renewal and refreshment! The whole time I was driving up there (about a 4 hour trip) I kept worrying that maybe I hadn't made the right choice deciding to go. After all, last week was my only full week off of school. But as soon as I got there, I knew that this was where I needed to be. The Lord used that trip to encourage me so, so much! I was able to fellowship with good friends whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We even kicked all the men out of the house, dressed up and had a tea party!!

We were staying at a house way out in the country, and my friend Susie and I went outside to look at the stars. Seriously, I have never seen so many stars in my life. We could actually see the Milky Way!! We stood out there, loving the beauty and worshiping God. Then it hit me.
Isn't it amazing how God shows us things so gently? He is so tender and loving toward His children. And that very same God created all of those stars--each one a sun of its own--by just speaking a word! Yet our Lord came down and gave His life for us because He loved us.

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O Lord , our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!" --Psalm 8:3-9

What a wonderful God we serve!! I was amazed (once again) this weekend how He teaches me things in my heart, and then sends a preacher my way to re-emphasize or clarify it in a sermon. The messages were so good, and each sermon Bro. Don preached spoke to me specifically about something God has been showing me. The last message was about heaven and how we should long for it--something God has been showing me for over a year!! As much as I love being here on earth, serving Him and loving His people, I have an indescribable longing for heaven. I cannot wait to see my Lord face to face!!

Finally a Post!!

Somehow with being so busy in my summer classes, I have gotten behind in posting anything on this blog. I've been in New Orleans 2 or 3 days a week for clinicals at Children's Hospital, and the other days I have I'm either studying like crazy (since we have a test every week) or in class. My final is Monday, though, so hopefully I'll get to catch up after that!

I think I will end up with a 92 in my Pediatrics class. Unfortunately, I need a 93 to get an A. So I probably won't have an A, but I'll come close.

I have a cold right now and I have a bad headache and I can barely breathe. It doesn't really help me study for my final too well!! I'm also really achy from an especially strenuous workout I did on Wednesday.... It makes me kind of nervous to be sick and achy at the same time, especially considering that there are numerous Swine Flu patients at Children's Hospital! I'm sure I don't have it (no fever or anything), but it definitely makes me stop and carefully assess my symptoms!! haha

I really loved my pediatrics clinical experience, and I received a huge complement from my instructor yesterday in my end-of-the-semester evaluation. He told me that he thinks I do really well working under pressure! He said that if someone came to him and asked for a recommendation for an ICU nurse from our current nursing class (with 43 students) he would recommend me without hesitation! That was so encouraging after my past bad experience with instructors who like to intimidate their students. I really needed a teacher who was confident in my abilities. Since failing, I have had a hard time finding confidence if I make even the tiniest of mistakes--because that was why my teacher failed me (an automatic "D" because she wasn't happy with me)! But this teacher was great. Even when I had a bad day, he just took me aside and said, "We all have bad days, I know you will do better next time because you are a good nurse."

Praise the Lord, He has been soo good to me! He never fails to amaze me with His grace toward His children. I was laying in bed Wednesday night trying to fall asleep, and absolutely terrified of going to clinicals the next day. When I failed, it was on the last day of clinicals, so the last day of clinicals always makes me nervous. (If I were to fail again, I would be kicked out of nursing school--for seven years!) Suddenly a song popped into my head. It says, "Jesus' blood never failed me yet...He won't fail me yet." I knew everything would be okay. And it was!! :)

I am Barabbas

Man of scorn, enchained by sin
My thieving ways had stolen lives.
I did not care what happened to men
Imprisoned by lusts and my self-pride.
Barabbas, I’m called (when names were used),
That man shoved in a dirty cell.
Expecting death, I was accused
Of more radical crimes than I could tell.
Less than human yet more than dead
No living man cared at all.
I waited for the end with dread
As I heard the yells outside the walls.

Suddenly, a closer sound
The door opened, a man stood there.
Though blood flowed from His gaping wounds
His gentle eyes caught my stare.
A soldier pushed the Man inside
While another yanked me from the floor.
He touched my arm as He passed by
Then they pulled me out the door.

“What is this—am I to die?”
I asked the guard (who seemed the head)
His answer took me by surprise
“No, this Man will die instead,
Though Pilate finds no guilt in Him.”
“Then why is He to take my place?
His face so meek—how did this Man
Commit crimes worse than my disgrace?”

Then it seemed I felt His hand
Resting on my arm again
Looking down, I gazed in awe
Hardly believing what I saw.
Jesus’ blood covered me—
The very blood that had set me free!

[This is what I promised to share about Barabbas.] A few months ago, my pastor preached a series on the passion of Christ. Just as a side note in the course of the preaching, he briefly mentioned Barabbas. God suddenly spoke to my heart on hearing the story of Barabbas again. I have never really given a lot of thought to him, other than thinking of him as a criminal. But I realized that I am just like him--and I also have been freed by the death of Christ! I wrote down "I am Barabbas" as a little note in the back of my church notebook, and I've been wanting to write this poem ever since. Last week was the first time I was able to sit down and actually work on it. It really didn't turn out anything like I would have liked, but I really haven't had much chance lately to practice my poetry skills. Anyway, I thought I'd share it, not because it's really any good but just so that others can benefit from the blessing that God gave me when He allowed me to see how I was just like Barabbas--a thief, liar, murderer. But He took my place!!

Weekend of Blessings

I spent this past weekend in at a conference in Bentley, LA. My sister and I started going to the tri-annual family camp when we were about 12 or 13, and we have been going ever since. It has always been a special place for our family, a time of renewal and fellowship. (I was converted the first time I went, too, so I guess I have an extra-special link with the camps.)

As many times as I have been in the almost 10 years of my attending the Bentley camps, I have never seen the Lord move quite like He did this past weekend. Friday night after the main speaker preached a very powerful message, the Lord moved 7 or 8 young people to conviction of their sins and they were brought to Christ!! Most of them were teenagers (1 or 2 were much younger), several of whom I've been praying for for several years. It was such an amazing event! I was so blessed to be able to be a part of it. Most of us there didn't even go to bed until after 2am because everywhere there was crying, praying, and rejoicing!! After we had a time of praise, several of us older girls got a group of the new Christians together and had an impromptu Bible study, where we were able to encourage them all in the Lord. It was such a blessing to be able to pour into their lives. I pray that God will give these baby Christians strong support, so that they will grow daily in their faith!!

It was such a blessing to see God move in such a powerful way! I just want to remind you all--the Lord is still on His throne, and He works everything out according to His will!! And it is so wonderful to see!!! Praise the Lord--He is worthy of all glory and honor!!!

A Wonderful Opportunity

This week I had one of the best experiences I've had in a really long time: I got to speak at a campus event! Not that it might sound like fun to most people. And actually, speaking in public isn't something I normally enjoy either. But this time was much different. God blessed me in such a special way this week through what happened.

A few months ago, a few of my college friends and I were talking about the Compassion International ministry, and we came up with an idea to host an event to raise awareness of needy children on our college campus and try to get people to sponsor a child. We agreed that a few different people needed to speak at the event, and I mentioned that I would be willing to speak if it was necessary. My family has been involved with Compassion ever since I can remember, so I knew I would have a lot to talk about. Well, the idea kind of just brewed for a month or so before the people in charge were able to really start any planning. (Because of my busy schedule, I wasn't really in charge of planning anything, just kind of like a side helper for Alicia, who was in charge of the event.)

Once the planning really got started, Alicia came up to me and said, "You know, the other day I heard you mention a friend who runs an orphanage in Bolivia. Since you seem to know a lot about that country, would you mind giving a little talk just highlighting the needs of that area? I would also like for you to talk about the orphanage if you can." I was totally shocked. Alicia had no idea how perfect that was for me! I can't even begin to say how thrilled I was to have that opportunity!!!.... My closest friends will tell you that I love the children of Bolivia, and I could talk for hours about the needs of that region. (I have been interested in Bolivia ever since I started learning Spanish in high school. I remember it was highlighted one day in our lesson, and something about the culture just captured my attention. Only a few weeks later I started reading a book called His Chosen Bride; one part of the book spoke about the utter hopelessness of the street kids in Bolivia, and I've been hooked ever since!) And as far as being asked to talk about Casa De Amor... well, I've loved that ministry ever since it began!! :-)

So this last week I spent several hours compiling all the information I've gathered over the years and putting it together into one 10 minute talk. I hadn't been working on it very long when I stopped to check my e-mail, and saw I had gotten a forward from an "e-mail/blogger friend". She was forwarding a story about the kids of Bolivia!! [Thanks D.--that article was very helpful! :)] I was so excited. It was just amazing how it all fit together. And the very day I gave the talk--April 7th--the sponsorship forms for Casa de Amor were finally made available. So after the whole event was over, we had at least 5 people agree to sponsor children through Compassion, and at least 2 children will be sponsored through Casa de Amor!!

It was such an exciting day. I was just so blessed to be able to talk about something I love so much that I wasn't even nervous at all. I think that even though not many people came the the event (it ended up being unusually cold, and we held it outside), the people that did come were really touched. And to me, if even one child's life is affected, it was totally worth everything!!

Note: If you want to sponsor a child through Casa de Amor, download this form.

And yes, I really did post this at 1:15. I was up talking to my friend Susie while she rocked her newborn baby. It was worth the lack of sleep. :D

Blessings Innumerable

I've been needing to write on here for weeks.... Life just kind of runs by me and I forget how much I need to write. Writing is definitely my outlet! But I've been kept so busy with nursing school that I don't even feel like I have a minute to think sometimes.

I have been wondering again the past few days why God led me to get a bachelor's RN degree when I wanted to take the shorter route so much and finish with my ASN in two years. *sigh* I can't even begin to say how much I hate school. More and more every single day I'm in it. I think it's really because right now I'm so bored with what I'm doing. I've been doing the same thing for almost a year now (because that teacher failed me last semester), and I'm just really tired of it all.

The Lord has been so close to me over the past few months, though, and I know I wouldn't trade that for anything. I just wish that somehow I would be able to take joy in what I'm doing. I'm about to start my obsetrics/pediatrics rotation, though, and even though that is the hardest class, I'm looking so forward to it! It's truly what I love to do, and I think that it will be good for me to have a more enjoyable season. I definitely want to eventually end up doing pediatrics. I don't understand it, but for some reason I'm always able to work with the kids in our section of the hospital better than any of the nurses I work with. They just can't stand to have a baby for a patient. But I'm actually disappointed if I work and there are no children that day!!

Right now I'm at a good friend's house over spring break, holding her new baby and just loving it. What a joy it is to see my best friends having children! They are so precious. I love every minute of it.