Monday, February 2, 2009

Studies in Grace

My nursing classes are really keeping me busy, so I don't know how much I will be able to post on here. But at least they are going better this semester.

Last semester was the worst semester I have ever experienced. My nursing teacher gave me a "D" in the class for almost making a few mistakes on the last day of clinicals. [It is difficult to explain her reasoning unless you understand nursing. Some nurses have one method of doing things, and others have another method. I did things by a method taught to me by other nurses. My teacher doesn't like that method however, so she is making me repeat the semester.] I--and every nursing student/nurse I have talked to (except my instructor and the nursing director)--feel that the reasons my teacher gave me an "unsatisfactory" grade were not sufficient grounds for failure. So I have really been struggling with accepting her decision. I feel like I don't deserve to go through the things I have been through with this. I am a good student; I was doing well in the class before. The remaining three weeks of that class last semester seemed to me like living in a nightmare. It only happened before in my worst dreams that I would ever even come close to failing a nursing class. Why would God let something like that happen to me? It was humbling to a point I had never been humbled before. All of my self-assurance was stripped away, and I could only cling to God. I know now that I will never get through nursing school without Him. If I fail again, I am not allowed back into the nursing program.

It is not like I was trying before to do it without Him, but I didn't know what it meant to have to completely rely upon His grace. "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (I Corinthians 12:9) Without Him, I am nothing. Sometimes I tend to forget that, and try to do it all in my own power.

In addition to all of the school struggles, I have been really struggling to overcome a lot of physical weaknesses lately. Over the past few months I have been sick with sinus infections, pneumonia, and (almost daily) severe headaches (which is terrible, as any nursing student will understand, because I can't study with these headaches!). So I am really nothing but weak! I know that when pass through these trials with victory, it will be only because of His marvelous grace.

However, last Friday I made a 98 on my nursing exam--which covered the very material my teacher failed me for! I still have a year of nursing school left, but I know that with His grace I can make it through it. But without Him, I will certainly fall.

Through all of this, I feel that the Lord has been opening up my heart to new things I have never known. He is leading me every step of the way, and I can say with confidence that I have never felt so content in my life. I have no idea where He is leading me, but I can feel that each step I take is a sure step as He is guiding me.

Lamentations 3:22-23~"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

1 comment:

Gallo Pinto2 said...

Hi :) It's Denise! Hang in there with school - I'm sorry your teacher failed you - but hopefully God's Will will be shown through it somehow...

I had pneumonia while I was in grad school! It was AWFUL! I'm sorry you've been so sick!

Feel free to comment on any of my blog posts current or past and to email me with ANY questions you have about ANYTHING :)

By the way, one question for you! How is your Spanish? I only ask because I am OBSESSED with Spanish - which is probably good since I am a Spanish teacher!

-Denise