Monday, September 17, 2007


Give me passion
I want to burn for You
Give me desire
I need to be consumed

Why is it that I feel
Nothing inside
When I want so much
To feel so alive
Oh, I want to live for You

I want to burn, to feel the fire
Blazing, consuming my soul
Give me a zeal and love for You
That cannot be controlled

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Six Years Ago Today

Wow. Was 9/11 really six years ago? It doesn't seem like it could have been that long ago. I still remember sitting horrified in the living room watching the news. When the first tower fell, I remember hugging Mom and crying; all I could say was, "All those people." It still makes me shiver to think about it. When the second tower fell, we turned the TV off. We couldn't watch anymore.

I can't help thinking that I hope that we never has to see anything that horrible again. But I never find anything in the Bible that says that we will have an easy life. Here is what Scripture says:

Romans 8:18, 31-32, 35-39--For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us....What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?....Who shall separate us for the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: "For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter." Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor power, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 18:16-19--He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy. From those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 27:1-6--The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, my enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell. Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war should rise against me, in this I will be confident. One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. 5 For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock. 6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

I Corinthinans 15:54-57--So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." "O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?" The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Bayou Bell Ringers

Note: If you tried to click on the link for the Bell Ringers' website, I made a mistake when originally typing the address, but I fixed it and the link now works.
I've been wanting to post something for a while about one of my favorite organizations: the Bayou Bell Ringers, a handbell choir for the disabled. This organization is very dear to my heart because I volunteered with them as a student worker for over 6 years, and I still help out as frequently as I can. My family is very close to the director's family. Mr. Aaron (the director) is one of the most talented men that I have ever met. The arrangements that he creates never fail to amaze me!

My twin sister, my best friend, and I started volunteering about 6 or 7 years ago. Originally, our job as student workers was to play the part of any bell ringer that was unable to come to practice and keep the part for them. Thus the name for us student volunteers became the "Bell Keepers.” As the group grew, though, our jobs became more and more complex. Now, as well as playing the parts of missing bell ringers, the bell keepers play parts that are too difficult or complicated for the disabled members to play, help bell ringers to learn their parts, and handle bell changes. Essentially, the job of a bell keeper now is to make sure that everything is running smoothly and on time, especially at performances.
I miss working with the Bell Ringers so much. The people in that group became almost like my second family. I love each and every one of them so much. They are definitely very special people. It is truly amazing to watch how much they grow and change through being in the choir. I have seen this organization help so many people. For a lot of them, the highlight of their week is the days when they practice. Many of the members were very socially withdrawn before they joined the choir, and it is amazing to see how much this group has helped them come out of their shells! They all love to play, and they just live for praise.

The group consists of about 30 members ranging in age from about 12 to 60. Each member usually has from one to four regularly assigned bells, but every song has a slightly different setup for the bells. Often if a ringer can’t handle playing all of his parts on a particular song, one of his bells will be given to someone else for just that song. Since the group has nearly 200 bells, there always is a lot of moving and changing of bells before and after every song.
There is a wide range of disabilities in the group. Two of the bell ringers can’t do much more than control the movement of one or two of their fingers. A local inventor, however, developed machines that allow them to ring along with everyone else by simply pressing a button. Other ringers are blind, but they wear little sensors on their legs that tap them when they need to play.

Because the members can’t read music, Mr. Aaron, who is a music therapist, has developed an original hand signaling technique with a different signal for each chord. There are at least 300 different signals! It takes a while to learn all of them, but Mr. Aaron has always impressed me with his patience in handling the members. He is so very good with them. The very fact of there being so many different signals is actually wonderful therapy, especially when that is incorporated with the dexterity that is necessary for ringing the bells. It strengthens the ringers’ memory as well as their fine motor skills. One of the bell ringers who has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair was unable to do anything more than press a huge button when she first joined the choir. As her fine motor skills progressed, though, she has gradually become able to press many small buttons as well as maneuver several tiny switches.

Although I am too busy with my college courses now to do much with the Bayou Bell Ringers any more, I still love to help out whenever I can. My dad is the sound manager for the group, and my younger sister has been a bell keeper for about a year or so now. I think that everyone should have a chance to hear the Bell Ringers perform at least once. It never ceases to amaze me what the Lord has been able to accomplish through Mr. Aaron's willingness to help these people! I have learned so much through working with the bell ringers. I know that they always tell me that I have been a blessing to them, but I know that they have blessed my life with much, much more than I could have ever given them.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Nursing school

I haven’t posted on here in quite a while because I have been so very busy. But when I realized tonight that I hadn’t officially posted my big news, I had to correct that right away! I was officially accepted to nursing school last month!!!! YAY!! ;) After a year of hard work of prerequisites, I am so happy to say that I am officially a NURSING STUDENT!!

This summer I am taking two summer classes as well as working 20-30 hours a week. When you add that to my hour-long (each way) commute every day, I really don’t have any extra time for blogger. So I probably won’t be posting much until sometime late next month. I have several posts that I am working on, but I just don’t have time to finish them. Right now, though, I had better get back to studying. I am sitting here typing this with my Biochemistry stuff spread out all over the table in front of me. I have a horribly huge test tomorrow…

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


It's really amazing how God can change our plans so very quickly. I thought that I had everything planned out, but with just a little touch of His hand, He set all of my well-laid plans to spinning. This last year I just knew that this summer would be spent out on the mission field. I thought that God would be using me to assist in an orphanage in Bolivia or that I would be somewhere else that He sent me. I didn't know exactly what I was going to be doing, but I knew that this summer would be different from last summer. I definitely wouldn't be applying at that little hardware store again! And yet today I will be calling up my old boss, once again requesting a position in the very job that I vowed I would never take again.

I had so many wonderful plans for this summer. Even if I couldn't go overseas, I was certain that I could find a great job at a hospital. But when I did, I the hours were horrible, and I felt God telling me to turn it down. But I feel that although it won't be what I had planned, this summer will be wonderful because I will be following God's plan. I have to come to realize that even if I can't spend my summer ministering overseas, I must still use it for God. There are the street kids who need someone to love them, the Christians that I can encourage at school, and the people I can witness to at work. Wherever I am, my life must be God's. And I will use it, in every moment, to glorify Him.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Busy, Busy, Busy...

I have been so busy with everything right now that I haven’t had any time to post.  I will be officially finished with all of my finals on Thursday afternoon, though, and then I don’t have any more classes until my summer classes start in June.  Yay!  J  I have 4 weddings (plus several showers) to go to between now and then, so that should occupy most of my time.  Next Thursday or Friday, Emily and Carly and I will be driving up for one of our closest friend’s wedding next Saturday.  Carly is a bridesmaid, so we have to be up there early.  I’m looking soo forward to it!!  I’ll probably post some pictures after everything is all over.  Well, I have an A&P final at 8:00 tomorrow morning that I have got to (begin to…) study for….so I guess I really need to get off the computer for now!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Grasping Eternity

The past few weeks, our pastor has been doing a series of sermons on 1 Timothy 6:11-14. I have been especially convicted through his preaching on verse 12, which says, "...Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called..." For me, eternal life is often just something that I know about, but it really just stays in the back of my mind. I don’t often live in the light of eternity. But what if I were to follow this teaching and really take hold of eternal life? There is so much more to life then just the small trials that we experience each day. We have to look at our lives as God sees them, and understand the big picture. Each moment that He has given us is for us to live for His glory and for His eternal purpose.

I tend to get so bogged down in the little things, and I think I often lose sight of what is really important. God has reminded me so many times this week to think on how things really matter in the light of eternity. How I face the day, the attitude I have, and the way that I go about my tasks are so much more important then the actual tasks that I am completing. This week I have come to realize how important it is to always remind myself of the calling that God has placed on my life. Frequently, I need to re-evaluate whether I have my eyes set on eternity or on the trivial things of life. The little trials seem so much easier to bear when I look at them with the right perspective.

For me, this means not getting caught up in the busyness and stress of my school schedule. Instead, I remind myself why I am doing what I am doing. I feel very strongly that God has called me to be in nursing school. I am very interested in medical missions, and I really think that God is calling me to work (at least short-term) in this area. When I remind myself of this, I find that my schedule it doesn't seem nearly as stressful. I actually spend more time working on building relationships then getting good grades. While grades are important, I feel that my family should come first. College is such a short season of life, but relationships last for a lifetime. Who knows what a difference I may make by taking the time to actually show the people around me how much I care for them?

When I set my eyes on the goal of glorifying God and spreading His Word through my life, I find that my little trials actually seem rewarding. I know that it is all going to be worth it in the end. Whatever He has in store for me, I know that God has a wonderful plan for my life, and that I can trust Him with it.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Not Again...

Our filter let me access my blog for one day.  Now it’s not working again, so I guess I’ll just have to try posting through e-mail now.  I was about to post an article on One Night with the King, which we watched a few weeks ago, but I saved the draft on the blog, so I can’t get to it right now.  It is so aggravating….! 

Monday, March 19, 2007


I figured out how to log in without accessing the Blogger website... that means I think that I can post again! Finally!!!

School is going really well right now. It is very stressful, but I am so interested in the things we are learning right now. I had a huge test today in my Anatomy and Physiology class, and I was extremely stressed out about it. But I got up about 4:45 this morning to study for it, and I think that I did really well. While I was taking the test, I actually had fun; I kept thinking, "Wow. This stuff is so interesting!!" What I love learning about the most is all the clinical applications. I just love being able to apply what I learn. These past few weeks I've been learning about shock, collapsed lungs, high blood pressure, and a lot of other things that I'll use so much in my nursing school. It is so interesting!

I applied for nursing school about a week ago. I think that I should be able to get in. It is extremely competitive, but I had a 4.0 last semester and I think I'll have at least a 3.6 this semester. I'll just trust God and do my best!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


I don't know how often I'll be able to post because our filter is now blocking Blogger. I can get on it at school, but when I'm there I usually don't have a good opportunity to post anything. So anyway, we are working with our filtering company to try to sort things out so that I can get on here again from my computer. I hope it's soon! It's getting very aggravating!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Safe in the Arms of Jesus

Taylor Dardar, Sonny and Cassie's 18-day old son, passed away this evening at about 5:30. He is no longer in any pain, and his broken little body is perfectly healed in heaven. Right now he is in the arms of Jesus. I cannot express how brokenhearted we feel for his family. In the e-mail he sent tonight, Sonny quoted Jeremiah 29:11-- "for I know the plans that I have for you saith the Lord." God has a perfect plan in all of this, even if we might not know what it is right now. Please just keep them in your prayers.

Psalm 34:18 ~The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 73:23-26 ~Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 63:7-8 ~For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 3:-5 ~But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill. Selah. I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Prayer for Baby Taylor

Note: See update at bottom of post

I wanted to post really quickly and ask that everyone be praying for Sonny and Cassie Dardar and their little baby Taylor. Cassie delivered twins about a week and a half ago: two boys, named Sean and Taylor. Sean is perfectly healthy, but Taylor's heart stopped beating at birth for about 30 minutes. A few days ago, the doctors took him off of life support, expecting that he wouldn't live long. However, he continued breathing on his own and (as far as I know) is still off of the life support. But his brain was severely damaged when his heart stopped beating for so long, and the doctors are telling Sonny and Cassie that he will never walk, talk, see, hear, or respond. They say that if his heart stops again, they will not try to resuscitate him.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is on the Dardar family. It breaks my heart to think of it. We have all cried for their family so, so much. Please be praying for them!

Sonny is one of the members of the Christian band Broken Vessels. We know the Dardars because our good friend Jace Verdin (whom several of y'all have met) is the bass player for the group.

UPDATE: "He has been breathing on his own since Tuesday 2/13/07. His brain is still swollen. His liver and kidney are still not functioning properly. They attempted to feed him again yesterday but his stomach did not tolerate it. The doctors have said that Taylor's prognosis is "poor". However, they have stated that his labs have been surprisingly stable the past few days. It is a day to day evaluation. We have been blessed to be able to love Taylor, sing to him, read to him, and pray with him. As long as the Lord gives him breath we're going to go to the NICU and love him! We're praying for God's healing in Taylor's body. The doctor has said that if/when he is able to tolerate food that we will have more options available." This is from an e-mail sent on February 22 by Sonny Dardar.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Spring Dreams

Every year, I just love it when the azaleas bloom. For me, it always marks the start of spring. Walking around campus the past week, I have seen azalea bushes everywhere that are just bursting with buds. Our azalea bushes, however, don't seem to think that it is spring quite as soon as all the other bushes. I don't know why, except that maybe it is because they get so much shade where we have planted them. But today when I walked around corner of the house, I saw a bunch of beautiful pink buds. The bushes aren't in full bloom yet, but I know that spring will be here soon! I picked as many as I could and arranged them in a bowl. I can't wait for the hawthorn bushes to bloom. The white blooms look beautiful when arranged with the azaleas.

I also checked on my Spanish irises while I was in the garden, and I think I felt the beginnings of some buds deep in the stems. I hope that they bloom this year! I haven't had much success with them the past few years, but they seem much healthier this year then they have before. So hopefully in about a month, we'll be enjoying irises as well! I just love irises. They are so brilliant, yet so delicate. Even though they live for such a short time, they are still some of my favorite flowers.

This time of year always makes me so happy. I feel like I just have to escape outside to breath in spring. It always make me want to get my hands in the garden and plant things. I wish that I had time for that. Sometimes I feel like the beauty outside is almost calling to me!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

New Guinea

My friend Carly left early yesterday morning to go to Paupa New Guinea for 3 1/2 weeks. She is going on a mission trip with David Sitton. I miss her already!
Lord, give them a safe trip and bless their efforts to reach out to the New Guinea natives. Help Carly to not miss all of us too much, but to focus on the work that she is doing and find joy in serving You. Most of all, may they bring glory to Your name in everything that they do, and may the New Guinea people see what a mighty God You are. Help them to have safety on this trip, and may those going on the trip draw even closer to You through this.

Carly in New Guinea last February

Thursday, February 8, 2007

CAMP!! :)

Tomorrow Emily and I will be leaving straight from school to go to the Bentley camp. I can't wait! We won't get back until Sunday night. I heard that there will be a bunch of new people coming down from Kirksville. I hope that there are some of them that are around our age. It would be really neat to have a bunch of young people about our age there again. We haven't had a big group of us for a while now. It is so wonderful to be able to have a chance to fellowship with everyone. And the sermons are always wonderful! I just can't wait. Tomorrow I only have to take a test and sit through A&P II, then we can leave!! yay! ;-)

Sunday, February 4, 2007

I love piano! :)

Oh, I just love to play the piano! It always makes me feel so much better. I was getting really stressed out about school and so I took a few minutes to go play (after eating some strawberry shortcake...;)), and I feel so happy right now! It's fun to just bang around with a fun song and then to play something so beautiful it can make you almost cry while playing it. I just got finished playing a bunch of different pieces, but I think that my favorite that I just played was "Doctor Gradus ad Parnassum" by Debussy. It's from his Children's Corner Suite. It's a really weird name, but an absolute delight to play!! :) It is a very happy song.

Playing the piano is my way of letting everything out. I love to play whenever I need to express my emotions. A lot of times I'm just itching to play! Mostly I love to play beautiful, expressive pieces, but I also like fun pieces like "Golliwog's Cakewalk" or "Pampillion (Butterfly)". One composer that I like that isn't very popular anymore is Edvard Grieg. My piano teacher used to have a huge book that was a collection of his pieces, and I borrowed it from her as often as I could. Most of his pieces are extremely challenging (a lot of them are on the level of Liszt with lots of runs and stretches and 32nd or even 64th notes), but I found quite a few that I could play. He wrote "In the Hall of the Mountain King", which always reminded me of the part in The Hobbit where Bilbo and the dwarfs are captured by the goblins and taken deep into the mountain. It seems as if you can almost hear the goblins marching around in that piece! I haven't played it in years, but it was one of my favorite pieces to play when I was about 13 or 14. I really should see if I can find some good Grieg music again. I haven't played any of his pieces since my piano teacher moved 2 or 3 years ago.

Well I'd better get to bed. I am in a mood where I really could talk about music all night, but I have class tomorrow and I need to get some sleep. I'm sorry to anyone who read this and was completely bored by it!! hehe! I guess when you have over 10 years worth of pieces stored up in your brain you have to let it out sometime... ;)

Saturday, February 3, 2007

*sigh* again....

Sometimes I think that its going to be a lonnng four years until I become a nurse.... I hate having to stay behind and study when everyone else is having fun. I am hoping that I can finish this assignment (that I don't understand at all because my teacher never explained it--just assigned and said "Oh, it's due next Wednesday") this morning so I can go watch a movie with Carly this afternoon. She's going to be leaving for a whole month to go to Papua New Guinea in just a week, and I haven't had a chance to hang out with her in forever. But I have so much stuff to do.... *sigh*

Friday, February 2, 2007

Conferences and schedules

Emily went to the CEC conference with the BCM today. I felt kind of weird not going, since we usually do everything together. I hope she has fun though. I had to stay home and study. :( I also think that my immune system is still a little bit weak from being so sick with pnuemonia, and I was afraid that if I went and stayed up late every night I would come home coughing and wheezing again. I can't get sick again. I have way too much stuff to do. So, I made the decision that I needed to stay home and rest and study. I felt really weird being the only person in the BCM that wasn't going to the conference. Pretty much every conversation I had went something like this: [Me] "I hope that you have fun on the trip!" [Other person] "But you are coming, right?" [Me] "No, I just can't make it this time." [O.P.] "You're not!? You're just joking, right?" [Me] "No, I'm really serious. I can't come!" [O.P] "WHY?"
And so I felt pretty small by the time I finally ended up leaving the BCM.... Oh, well. I would imagine that they probably got over their tears by now and are rocking out to the concert that is supposed to start any minute. lol! ;-)

I have two tests next week and three or four the next, so I have a lot coming up. I am a little bit nervous about my tests in two weeks, because I have my first exams in both A&P II and Micro. I'm sure they will be hard. I think that if I study some this weekend and a little bit all next week that I'll be okay. The only thing that really worries me is that I won't have any chance to study next weekend because we will be going to the Bentley camp, and both of my hard tests are within two days of our getting back. But I'll just pray that God will help me remember all of the material. I probably should stay home from camp, but I just can't. Camp is like my spiritual oasis, and I need that. I feel like I'm so hungry to hear God's Word preached right now, and I think that for my spiritual growth I really need to go.

Well, I'd better get to bed. I've got to get up early and get studying tomorrow!!

Thursday, February 1, 2007


I have to post a picture before I can add it to my profile, so while I was at it I thought that I would add a few of the pictures we took last year for graduation. Hope you like them!

random thoughts

That last post was kinda just to test the whole thing out... This is pretty cool, actually. :)

I have been so busy with school lately. This semester I am taking A&P II (both the lab and the lecture), Microbiology, Sociology, Psychology, and Dietetics. So I'm pretty busy. I really like my A&P teacher this semester. She's much better than Dr. Nelson, who taught A&P I last semester. She actually seems enthusiastic about her lectures, not bored like Dr. Nelson was. It makes it a lot more interesting when the professor actually seems interested.

I think that God is giving me a chance to witness to a girl from school. I don't have any classes with her this semester, but she and I have the same teacher for psychology. I met her last semester in one of my classes. She is married and has two kids, but I think that she's probably only about 2 years older than me. Last week we exchanged phone numbers so that we could call each other about our classes. She has called me a lot since then, and she loves to talk about her problems. I really don't know what to tell her. She seems very disfunctional. She is bipolar, and one of her main issues seems to be anger. She is always describing for me how she is going to get revenge on people. It's really sad. But I really don't know what I should say. I'm just praying that God gives me an opportunity to witness to her. She doesn't seem to know anything about His love.

I am applying for a job at the hospital tomorrow. I really have no idea what kind of job I will get or if they will even hire me, but I really need the money. I can only work for about 12 hours a week, though. I am going to try to get in touch with the head RN tomorrow. I just want to be able to talk to her and explain everything to her and see if she would be able to put me somewhere. I'm really not certified to do any medical care until I start my nursing clinical classes next semester, but I think that it would be really great to get the hospital experience. I was talking to one of my nursing school friends today who is already in clinicals, and she said that if possible, I really need to try to learn how to do some basic care things (changing sheets, bathing, etc.) before I start clincals. So I really don't know what I'll be doing if I get hired. I was originally thinking office work, but if I could get some healthcare experience, that would be great too.


I don't know if I'll be able to keep this up, but it looks like it might be fun. So, I'll try to post occasionally!