Filled With Christ

Why is it that I regress so easily into the very things I feel I have already overcome? The very areas where I think I am the strongest, sometimes I fall the hardest. Sometimes all I feel is frustration and an overwhelming sadness. I let myself give into my selfishness and pride and act just like a kid having a temper tantrum. I get aggravated and, even though I might never show it on the outside, I'm fuming on the inside.

Why do I never seem to change? The question that I keep wrestling with the most is how can I claim to be filled with Christ, but then the thoughts in my head or the words that come out of my mouth have nothing to do with Him? I am so full of flaws and failures!

Today my sister and I had to stay home from church due to illness, so we watched a sermon online instead. One of the things that the pastor said really stuck with me. Basically he said, "True repentance is wanting Christ more than any sinful passion." It's turning away from that angry feeling because you know that it won't really bring satisfaction. Instead we turn to Christ, and we find true happiness and peace.

I am so overwhelmed by Christ's grace and mercy and love toward me. I deserve none of it. He has no reason to love me like He does. The Katie in me is full of selfishness and pride. But the Christ in me is full of love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness. All that I can say is, "More of You and less of me!"