Studies in Grace

My nursing classes are really keeping me busy, so I don't know how much I will be able to post on here. But at least they are going better this semester.

Last semester was the worst semester I have ever experienced. My nursing teacher gave me a "D" in the class for almost making a few mistakes on the last day of clinicals. [It is difficult to explain her reasoning unless you understand nursing. Some nurses have one method of doing things, and others have another method. I did things by a method taught to me by other nurses. My teacher doesn't like that method however, so she is making me repeat the semester.] I--and every nursing student/nurse I have talked to (except my instructor and the nursing director)--feel that the reasons my teacher gave me an "unsatisfactory" grade were not sufficient grounds for failure. So I have really been struggling with accepting her decision. I feel like I don't deserve to go through the things I have been through with this. I am a good student; I was doing well in the class before. The remaining three weeks of that class last semester seemed to me like living in a nightmare. It only happened before in my worst dreams that I would ever even come close to failing a nursing class. Why would God let something like that happen to me? It was humbling to a point I had never been humbled before. All of my self-assurance was stripped away, and I could only cling to God. I know now that I will never get through nursing school without Him. If I fail again, I am not allowed back into the nursing program.

It is not like I was trying before to do it without Him, but I didn't know what it meant to have to completely rely upon His grace. "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (I Corinthians 12:9) Without Him, I am nothing. Sometimes I tend to forget that, and try to do it all in my own power.

In addition to all of the school struggles, I have been really struggling to overcome a lot of physical weaknesses lately. Over the past few months I have been sick with sinus infections, pneumonia, and (almost daily) severe headaches (which is terrible, as any nursing student will understand, because I can't study with these headaches!). So I am really nothing but weak! I know that when pass through these trials with victory, it will be only because of His marvelous grace.

However, last Friday I made a 98 on my nursing exam--which covered the very material my teacher failed me for! I still have a year of nursing school left, but I know that with His grace I can make it through it. But without Him, I will certainly fall.

Through all of this, I feel that the Lord has been opening up my heart to new things I have never known. He is leading me every step of the way, and I can say with confidence that I have never felt so content in my life. I have no idea where He is leading me, but I can feel that each step I take is a sure step as He is guiding me.

Lamentations 3:22-23~"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Sobering News

I wanted to ask you to be praying for Casa de Amor ["House of Love" in Spanish] in Bolivia. I know some of you have heard me mention this orphanage because it is just so dear to my heart. My friend Jennifer Thompson has worked so hard to give these homeless children of Bolivia a truly safe home, and God has blessed her efforts in so many ways. Casa de Amor now has three sites, with about 40 children total. While I have never actually been able to go there to work with them, I have loved Casa de Amor since it was first started about 4 years ago; in fact, I have been praying for a long time that God would let me go to Bolivia and work with them. Hopefully I will be able to do that once I graduate from nursing school. I know that they have a great need for people with medical knowledge to help care for all the children they have with medical issues.

Right before Christmas, Casa de Amor accepted a new baby to the Baby Home, not knowing that he had chicken pox. Unfortunately, chicken pox is extremely contagious and the children have all gradually become sick with it, with each one becoming sicker than the previous one. Friday morning, one of the youngest babies in the Baby Home, 4 month old Gabriela, passed away due to complications from the chicken pox virus. Her twin brother is still fighting chicken pox pneumonia, another complication of the chicken pox. I am crying as I write this. I have loved looking at Gabriela's pictures and seeing her with her brother and the other babies of Casa de Amor. I wish I could have known her. Please pray for all these children and also for their caregivers. I know that they are all grieving, but they are still also trying to make sure that they don't lose any more of these precious children. Please also pray for all of the children of Bolivia, thousands of whom still live on the streets.

Jaquan

zOver the past few years I have volunteered with Hope Extreme, an amazing organization run by my friend Tara. They offer tutoring and outreach to urban children in Houma, a town about an hour from where I live. My best friend Amber's heart is totally devoted to Hope Extreme, and I was introduced to it through her. This past semester I went every Tuesday to tutor for a few hours. Getting to know the kids has been such a blessing! They are so special, each and every one of them.

On December 22, one of the kids that was very special to Hope Extreme passed away suddenly. The funeral service was one of the saddest and yet most joyful I have ever been to. Although he was young, Jaquan didn't waste his life. He lived for his Lord, and left an example for everyone who knew him. Please keep his family and Hope Extreme in your prayers; as you can imagine, it has been extremely hard on everyone involved. Please pray also that the impact he had will continue to linger, even stronger through his death. We are praying that all the kids who knew him will realize the brevity of life, and how important it is to not waste one minute. Your next breath is not guaranteed. Not one person knows how long he/she has left on this earth.

Here is what Tara wrote about Jaquan:
The Psalmist writes "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me..." In earthly terms our human shadows are caused by a greater light that displays but a vague glimpse of our earthly image. In this passage the psalmist is aware that the shadow of death is also caused by a greater source, the all encompassing light of God shining in such a way that we are to know that "his rod and staff will comfort us."

This past month that shadow passed over Hope Extreme. Sixteen-year-old Jaquan Veal, who had been with Hope Extreme since our beginning, passed away on December 22. About twenty kids were here at the center the night we learned of his passing; as you can imagine, life here has not been the same.

We have mourned. We have doubted. We have cried. We have remembered that God is the God of second chances. Jaquan had a heart transplant almost three years ago which at the time left him blind and partially paralyzed. God gave Jaquan his life back, his sight back, and his body back and we were so thankful. Jaquan knew that his life was but a fleeting breath and dedicated it to the God who saved him. Jaquan often said that he received two hearts...a physical one, but more importantly a spiritual one, the latter which is eternal.

Though our tragedy is great, through Jaquan's life - and through those who came closer to God as a result of his death - there is greater triumph. And that is how we chose to ring in the New Year, in God's Almighty Triumph.

Jaquan and Amber

"Life, I Love Thee"

The past few months, I've been reading The Journals of Jim Elliot. I love this book. Reading of Jim Elliot's struggles and victories have helped me so much in my own Christian walk. Yesterday as I was reading, I ran across a journal entry that was very convicting to me. I don't like life a lot of times. I really struggle with finding joy in a lot of it. I want to "live to the hilt every situation", as he says elsewhere, but I don't find myself doing that often enough.

On December 24, 1951 (only 4 years before his death), Jim Elliot wrote:

"Only I know that my own life is full. It is time to die, for I have had all a young man can have--at least all this young man can have. If there were no further issue from my training, it would be well--the training has been good and to the glory of God. I am ready to meet Jesus. Failure means nothing now, only that it taught me life. Success is meaningless, only that it gave me further experience for using the great gift of God--Life. And Life, I love thee, not because thou art long, or because thou hast done great things for me, but simply because I have thee from God. This writing is part of thee, and I am glad to write; not that there is any purpose in it for others--it is simply part of Life, and Life I have come to love."

Oh God, I pray that I will be able to enjoy life so fully someday!!

Why Here?

I spent most of the day today reading news articles. The situation in Africa right now tears my heart apart. There are people dying in Zimbabwe for lack of food. I read of people who are praying for berries to grow so they will have something to eat. This one article really struck me, especially the picture. I had a good Christmas this year, but at times I felt that I couldn't really enjoy it. The entire day, I kept looking at all my gifts, thinking of this one picture, and almost crying as I thought, I have so much!! I wished I could share it with these people. Next year, I think that I will ask not for gifts, but donations in my name. My grandmother gave a donation to Heifer International in my name. The e-mail they sent me said that they had sent a flock of geese to a poor African family.

For some reason, I love Africa with all of my heart. Some of my favorite people are from Africa. I have at least a dozen friends from there. As I read of the thousands of people in Zimbabwe who are dying of cholera (which is so easily treated!) I long so much to go there. Why must I be here, in America, when I long to be working in Africa or India? I want to hold the hurting, and I want to be with the poor. I can't forget how my African friends have begged me to go to their countries and bring medicines to their people. I want so much to bring them medicines and show them the love of Jesus. So many of them are dying without even hearing His name.

And I think of the stories that I have heard from missionaries I know in Bolivia.  There are 2,000 street kids in one city alone.  The political situation in the country results in much rioting and many strikes, leaving people without transportation and often unable to get food.  Cocaine is the country's biggest crop.  Children as young as five are addicted to drugs and to sniffing glues.  HIV/AIDS and TB are common, and not many are treated.  I would love to go there and work with the children of Bolivia some day, and tell them about a Man who died for them.   

Why must I be here?

Lessons

Wow, I'm on a writing streak! Two posts in one day. Must be a record! I got in one of my old writing moods tonight (I don't get them too much during school....) and I just had to stay up and write this. So I thought I'd post it. I'll explain more of the background in a few days. For now, I'll just say that November has been the worst month of my life. This semester was difficult, but it was going well until about a month ago. Then everything I'd worked for came crashing down around me.

These past few weeks have been the hardest of my life. I have been humbled more than I ever wished to be. Humility doesn't come easily, especially when you struggle with pride as much as I do. In the middle of all the heartache, I just kind of collapsed. The past few weeks I’ve been sitting on the couch, with my lip eternally stuck out, pouting to God and hating the world. Why God? Why does life have to be so hard? Why can’t I just be in heaven with You? Why do I have to go through hardships?

Then I began to realize. What if Jesus had felt this way? He left heaven to suffer here on earth. I long for heaven, but I have never tasted its joys. Jesus knew all about heaven’s joys. He was the King of heaven, who came to be humiliated on earth. His entire life on earth was about suffering. Yet He did it for joy. “…who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame…” (Heb. 12:2) That is something I’m just now grasping: how our suffering actually can be for joy. The other day as I was listening to a song on the radio, I realized that my main problem with this whole situation is that I haven’t been focused on hope. What hope we have in Christ!! I have not experienced anything even close to what other people have experienced in the way of hardships. Compared to Job, I have lost nothing at all. Yet Job still fell down and worshipped his Creator. What a greater, more glorifying thing it would be if I were to take hold of God and hold on so, so tightly during my hard times.

I have realized that it is okay for me to not be okay. God gives us strength in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), and somehow He has designed it so that when we fade away to nothing, He is even more glorified. But it is not okay for me to sit and feel sorry for myself, to not read my Bible, and to sap the strength from all those around me. I need to get my strength from God alone. Yes it is okay to have Christians who share our burdens. That is what Christian community is all about. But it is wrong for me to rely on them more than God. And somehow in this weakness, I’ve gotten further from God rather than closer to Him. I’ve allowed myself to believe that since I was depressed, I didn’t need to read my Bible. That because I didn’t really feel like praying, it was okay to not pray. After all, other people are praying for me, right?! That should be enough. Surely God will understand. But why in the world would I not want to sit and pour my heart out to God? He is my best Friend, my Husband, and the only thing in the universe that matters. Oh my heart breaks to think of my complete weakness! I don’t even have to strength to cling to Him when I need Him the most. What a mighty God we serve, that He loves us in spite of our weaknesses.

One Life, Big Difference

I found this at http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com. The story comes from the Billy Graham Library. What an amazing and encouraging story!!

Edward Kimble and the Shoe Salesman

It was July 1, 1885 when Edward Kimble felt the tugging of the Spirit to share his faith with a young shoe salesman he knew.

At first Kimble vacillated, unsure if he should talk to the man. But he finally mustered his courage and went into the shoe store. There Kimble found the salesman in the back room stocking shoes, and he began to share his faith with him.

As a result, the young shoe salesman prayed and received Jesus Christ that day. That shoe salesman's name was Dwight L. Moody, and he became the greatest evangelists of his generation.

But the story doesn't end there. Several years later a pastor and well-known author by the name of Frederick B. Meyer heard Moody preach. Meyer was so deeply stirred by Moody's preaching that he himself embarked on a far-reaching evangelistic ministry.

Once when Meyer was preaching, a college student named Wilbur Chapman accepted Christ as a result of his presentation of the gospel. Chapman later employed a baseball player to help him prepare to conduct an evangelistic crusade. That ballplayer, who later became a powerful evangelist himself, was Billy Sunday.

In 1924 a group of businessmen invited Billy Sunday to hold an evangelistic campaign in Charlotte, North Carolina, which resulted in many people coming to Christ. Out of that revival meeting a group of men formed a men's prayer group to pray for the world. They prayed for Charlotte to have another great revival.

God sent another evangelist named Mordecai Hamm. Hamm went to Charlotte in 1934 to hold a crusade. Ham's crusade went well, even though it did not have many converts. On one of the last nights under the big tent one tall, lanky young man walked up the aisle to receive Christ.

That man's name was Billy Graham.

Talk about a chain of events! And it all started with an ordinary Christian named Edward Kimble, who reached D.L. Moody, who reached Wilbur Chapman, who reached Billy Sunday, who reached Mordecai Ham, who reached Billy Graham.

Look at what God has done over these many years because of the faithfulness of one person.