Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Foundation Building

So, yesterday was a pretty bad day. There are so many times I can honestly say that I hate nursing school. Yesterday was probably one of those days. I just tried to not think about it, though. I've been studying for probably 3 weeks for a test over everything to do with the Cardiac system--bypass surgeries, hypertension, cardiomyopathy, valve disorders, interpreting EKGs, etc. I've heard about this test for years now. It is supposed to be one of the hardest tests in all of nursing school. So when we first started the lectures on the cardiac system, I started studying almost immediately. But yesterday, I made a 73 on the test. That's a D. *sigh* I still have an 82 in the class, a C, so I'm hoping I can bring my grade back up to the B I had before. I'm just really disappointed that even though I studied so hard I ended up with such a low grade. I think that was probably the average grade in the class. I asked pretty much everyone what they ended up with, and the highest grade I heard of was an 86, which is a really low B.

We had all of spring break to study. I even skipped out on a mission trip that I wanted to go on more than anything else. But I don't think I have ever felt as depressed or lonely as I did last week. I just completely felt like there was nothing left of me. I would sit down to study, and I couldn't really focus at all. I called Mrs. Polly (the awesome lady who disciples me!) and asked for her to meet with me. We sat and talked for a really long time, and I felt so much better for it. I told her that I really feel upset because I feel like what I am called to do right now (nursing school) is pulling me away from the things I want to be doing to serve God. I don't see how it could be better to have to stay home and study than go on a missions trip. How could that be serving God more? Yet I believe that God always places us where we need to be to glorify Him the most. So somehow, this is how God has me serving Him.

Mrs. Polly said that she has realized in her life that the things we want to serve God with the most, God often takes away from us for a time so that we will want them with all of our hearts. Through this, when I am finally on the mission field, I will be able to look back at this time and remember just how much I struggled during this time, longing to serve God. So this is a strengthening time for me. As much as I would like for it to be over with, this time in my life is vital. Because, as Mrs. Polly told me, God doesn't build with cracked foundations. He has to make us whole first.

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